a Child of God, in whom He delights

i will be still

2010-01-25T10:36:00.002+08:00

I will be still, and know that

You are God.

Though the mountains may disappear,

I know that You are near.

I will be still, and know that

You are God.

courage

2010-01-16T15:29:00.003+08:00

Daddy,
I feel weak and powerless to do your will.
I know all the right answers, i know what i am supposed to do. I feel paralyzed.
Sometimes, i feel rebellious and obstinate. You have been calling me back all the time. but i refused to turn.
I am too afraid to go back. I have no courage to turn back what ive done. Things will nv be the same after this, i Know. i have made such a huge mistake.
i know the cross sets me free. i know u have died and alr knew this foolish thing tt i have done...u knew them way before i have done it.

but still...i am too ashamed to return.
i rather not complete it anymore.
You tell me :
-fight the good fight of faith
-let Me be your courage
-by My grace u can do it
-dont let Satan win u
-dont be afraid
-I am here
-Im with you
-I will help you to do what needs to be done

God..unless u drag me back, i will nv return. Unless like Jonah, u send a big fish to swallow me, i dont want to return.
there are too many things im ashamed of, too many things i dont want to face there, too many hurts to recover from there..But i know i only need You.

my thoughts are running all over.
i feel really sad. tt im not heeding Your word. I am consciously running away from it.
I dont know what has become of me.

it is becoming easier to be out of this.
it is becoming easier to dwell in this self-pity. but it takes more courage to stay, than to leave.

reading blogs

2010-01-08T13:07:00.002+08:00

i just read hannah's, sam's/xueen's cell blog, and flo's blog. and im omg so touched and...i dont know. it's like God was really speaking to me thru their lives.

i havent been doing so well with Jesus. with God. and felt kinda down. but reading their posts was really ,..lighting up my life and my Hope? tt even if i dun seem to see God in my life every single moment and day, or not aware of it, He IS working. He is..He is doing it in everyone else's life. and for tt i rejoice. and also coz of tt, i want to fight for my joy in God.

ytd;s talk with hy and beth showed me how much i needed Him back. not tt He never was in my life, but yeah, i wasnt aware of it. daily being drowned by own cares and worries and whatnots.

it's getting tiring and meaningless. and good thing, before sch term starts, i realised this. God's grace. purely.

i really thank God for pple who express themselves so well on the blog, so tt i can read it, and understand God's heart from it. :)

thank u jesus :)

You Alone Are My Song

2009-10-13T13:40:00.002+08:00

Hello Blog, Hello God, i wrote a psalm to You! And I want to share it with everyone, who will praise Your Name together with me. This is so cool and exciting! Lord, I wanna write more and more psalms to YOUUU!! =)

I praise You Lord, because You are most worthy to be priased!

You are our Mighty Creator,

You are our Strong Foundation;

None can compare to You, Lord, Lord Jesus.

I thank You Lord,

for creating me fearfully and wonderfully.

I thank You Lord,

For only in You I am secure.

You are my Strength and my Song,

With You, I am complete.

No one can ever compare to You.

I want to shout and priase You

Oh God You are so very great.

I want to lay aside my everything,

And give You all the glory due Your Name.

You alone, are good, Lord

You alone, are sufficient for me.

You will fill me, with all of my days,

Songs that will sing of Your greatness and joy!

Nothing will ever separate me from Your Love,

I am very secure in You, LORD JESUS!

(INSPIPIRED BY MR HOLY SPIRIT, AND PSALM 96) :)

we love because He first loved us

2009-10-05T23:55:00.002+08:00

im so HAPPY TODAYYYYYY. beams. =) =) =)
really feel very joyful for all the lessons and reaffirmation from God about us..i think without this ordeal, i wouldnt have learnt SO MUCH about myself and seen so much NEED FOR GOD to change and transform me inwardly. thank u jesus!!

daddyGod, increase my love and passion for u..i wanna be passionate for Jesus! and I want to be passionate for your children as well. all these i cant do with my own desires/strengths, these passio has to come from YOU Daddy!! Thank You for it, i receive it by Faith because the Word of God says- We love because He first loved us. Since Jesus first loved me, I will and can love, and because You said, ask and you will receive! Thank You God :)

thank God for friends :)

2009-09-30T11:27:00.002+08:00

Things have changed quite a bit. I was walking past Bras Basar just now where we had one of our few outings to tecman, it was really enjoyable and exciting. Haha, i dont really know what we are reduced to now, dont know if it's just one of those days or are things really changing? I dont know, but I'm trusting God He knows where He is bringing me to, I gladly surrender coz He knows what's best for me la, im on a headless chicken chase if i try to figure things out on my own. Prolly die of exhaustion and heartache before I even know it.

hahaha the headache's been getting very bad, sigh. and this midterm break is really quite lousy and lonely, other than spending it with jasssy (u are really a great comfort to have man) and preparing for the REVOLUTION in sch with roy and dom, everything else hasnt been looking good. pple whom i look forward to spending time with has been MIA. haha, it's okay. i ll just date Jesus lo.

Am in the National Library alone now! whee. i havent been to this place before, can u believe it! and i just went for a dental checkup, hahah no one to really update to, so i ll update u Mr Bloggy. heh. meeting renee for lunch soon. takes my mind off things a bit. and i cant wait to meetup with hy and doris tmr, i need some spiritual upload and download, how impt is it to have friends to pick u up when u fall! do u have friends like these? if not, dont worry, pray and ask, and God WILL give it to u, because He is like DADDY. in fact, he IS daddy! So he will give u freely as u ask. :) thanks God for friends and gurls :)

updates. my queen!

2009-09-23T02:07:00.002+08:00

oh boy,

havent been to this place for long. (I somehow feel I always begin my entries with the same -long time no see, blog- tagline. haha)

I decided to come visit my own blog as I was chatting with a friend from Psych. This guy is quite an interesting person, who said that he is gonna start blogging so as to capture memory of uni days, especially since he doesnt talk much. This really jolted me quite a bit, and it suddenly dawned upon me that uni days are as worth it as pri sch, sec sch and jc days to capture memories, to cherish the days, and to leave a legacy as well..not so much of a "fame" kind of legacy, but more of a love-legacy, you know, sowing into the lives of my friends before we go our separate ways.

In a flash, I'm now in my 3rd yr of study. And it's so fast that I cant believe it! What have I done in these past 2 years? What has God done in my life, and who has He transformed me to be? I havent really thought about these things. But i think i ought to, because I dont want my days as an undergrad to float by, as im continually just drowned in work/assignments and projects. This is not the kind of life I want, really. But it takes a step of faith, literally, to walk myself out of this trap tt is ever luring and traps you unknowingly, when you least expect it.

There has been many changes in this transiting season. I feel quite out of sync and out of balance, and..yeah I do feel that emptiness on days without consciously acknowledging and communing with daddyGod every moment of my day. Reading La's blog is very nice and encouraging. She really inspires me, the way she tunes her heart to daddy and yearns to stay there. It reminds me that, hey, i think that's what every child of God HAS to be doing! so that we continue to run on the fuel of God's love. We really can't do without that, but humans dont learn. And i'm included.

Recently i've been quite caught up with taiwan dramas. yes yes. ethan. he is really good i must say, very very natural in acting and the storyline is ohsosweet. tt's why they are called dramas. ahha i told gim to watch more and maybe catch a few romantic stuff from the drama, but on hindsight i think that's being pretty mean. sorry gimmie! you know i love u the way u are hahah =) just got too INTO the whole drama thing. my queen! awesome. reminded me of van and eph as i was watching it, and i thank God that He is the anchor of their lives, and not like the drama with the philosophy of - if we try hard enuff, we can do it!..nah. I find it really hard to grapple with that. how hard can u try? how much of u can u give to your other half? someday, u find urself giving more than u can, then what happens next? where does the refuel of the love and grace tank come from? definitely not from yourself. it has to be refilled, somehow. like a petrol station. but from where? =) thank u daddy, that i have u. just a personal opinion on this =)

haha see. thoughts flying all over the place. there were some stuff i wanted to blog about, like moving on to a different branch of the family matters in coos, like my journey with gim so far, like my friends (smart pple) who have gone to places i would nv have dreamt about like cambridge, like, God. my father. both earthly and heavenly.

haha. will see u..when i see u again. time to slp :)

wisdom, God.

2009-08-17T01:43:00.002+08:00

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." -James 3:17,18

I believe this is definitely not coincidence that amanda told me this is her anchor-verse of this semester. It spoke to me very much before, and even the current situation it speaks very clearly to me.

I dont want to base any decisions/advice/counsel on my worldly wisdom, but i want the heaven-ward and God-given and Holy Spirit-guided wisdom, that raises a harvest of righteousness.

Help me to think, say, and do what's true and what's loving in Your eyes, Daddy God.

I believe You will Yourself guide me into all truth and teach me what's right in Your sight, not mine. I want to see things and see people thru Your loving, merciful, yet righteous eyes, Jesus! :)

baby!

2009-07-14T18:15:00.004+08:00

so many things haf bn happening in my life, i duno where to begin..

ive bn so busy babysitting my nephew the whole of last week plus this week..even now im typing w one hand coz ive juz rocked little kayson to slp n he refuse to be put down till he is deep into slp...im beginnin to understand wads a motherly instinct w whole 8 days of looking after little kayson, bathing him, always the one rocking him to slp, cleaning up his shitshit n weewee..haha but i relli enjoy it coz i relli love him..like how our daddy God loves us so much He doesnt mind cleaning up after our "mess" in life n still loves us all the same...even i get tired physically doin these everyday but i still wanna do it, how much more our Daddy in heaven who nv gets tired!!=)

a bad time

2009-07-01T22:39:00.002+08:00

it has not been easy. just ytd, i blasphemed God most terribly, and was outrightly angry at Him. I was overwhelmed and exhausted, and i dont know what to do. I had thoughts of just moving away, leaving a heap of mess and nonsense behind, and wait for Time to clear them away. I had thoughts of leaving my Faith behind, far away from me and lead a life of a nominal Christian. I had so many defeating thoughts, which i vocalised, and they scared me.

Today i hoped things would get better. For a start, it didnt really in the morning. I woke up with a bad dream and thought today would be another lousy day. I didnt feel like communicating with anyone, seeing anyone, hearing from anyone. I just wanted to be away from human beings. This was not me at all. Joy is not like that, but Joy wonders what has been happening to her heart.

I havent been spending time with God. Distractions(seeming "good" things in the eyes of the world), worries, anxieties and fears had been my friends, and they stole me away from my God, from my Shepherd. It's like a flock of sheep who no longer trust their shepherd coz they had been away from Him for too long, and they try to still steer thru their greenlands on their own, which they obviously failed in time to come despite probably being mildly successful at times. But majorly, they were still sheep without shepherd and lost in their own deceitful world. I guess im very much like tt now.

But God is gracious.

My Shepherd is gracious enough to me. Having talking with my sister on the line for a short time, and sharing my struggle, i think my thoughts begin to sort out a little more. I fubbled through my messy cupboard and picked up a book tt was still in Tecman plastic bag. It was a book meant for ZK tt gim and i bought for him for his birthday supposedly, but i kept forgetting to pass it to Him.

But God plans even our forgetfulness in His plans. And this is the very book i needed at this time in my life: "Travelling Light- Releasing the burdens you were never intended to bear: The promise of Psalm 23" by Max Lucado. This is definitely not the kind of book i would get from Tecman. Coz i usu think if i ever get into trouble feeling stressed or what, i would just pick up the Bible and read the psalms and find strength from God by just talking to Him like tt.

But God is so, so smart. He actually predicted and knew in advance tt this time, i am not in any state to read the bible or even feel like praying to Him. A book nicely did the trick. and He spoke thru this book. Not the kind of book i wld usu pick up at a bookstore, mind u.

i wouldnt declare tt i am perfectly fine. I think God is still picking me up from the heaps slowly. But i am now allowing, at least, My shepherd to pick me up. and not pushing Him away..

thanks God.

2009-06-11T01:12:00.003+08:00

Now having experienced it myself, i know what it means by "pple dont really care how much u know, until they know how much u really care".

Maybe..maybe. Yeah, it's the Word of God i know, it's Truth..but i now recognize i have unteachable times too, and tt is now. I pray tt God helps me to be teachable, coz i am currently not. Hearing these things coming from u hurts me and discourages me greatly. I thought u knew me well enough to know 'when' to say 'what', and what helps me, what stabs me. I thought amidst everyone else, u would be the one to show me the greatest mercy and grace, but i was wrong. Because of what u said, i currently feel unworthy, full of nonsense, fake, lousy, and outrightly unrighteous and unholy.

I forgive u, though i still cant believe u told me those things repeatedly again and again, never stopping to consider the condition and state of my heart till i explode in ur face. I forgive u, but i need to ask God to take away and heal me of my hurt. So i need time to restore my relationship back with u.

surrender

2009-05-27T16:56:00.000+08:00

i lift up both my hands and say I Surrender..
God, would u pls take it away from us?

this person. =.=

2009-05-27T01:38:00.002+08:00

is there sth wrong with the email account, or is it just plain tt she jus isnt too known?

haha. all girls struggle with this same issue of security and identity. it is really quite irritating to struggle with it all the time. doesnt really help tt things are very screwed up in her life now, totally being the cause of her significant half's misery in his life. sometimes, she really ought to be shot! someone just needs to wake her up..HELLO. -.-

she is so upset! but no one really hears or sees that. everyone's too busy with their own lives. are the pple in authority over her able to see wads gg on with her life? wait till she goes crazy one day man. does it mean tt when pple are just a li'll but kinder and more forgiving, they get trampled all over? well..Jesus came to serve and not be served. Is she having too prideful a mentality? a heart issue, perhaps?

Only God can save her from her pit man. She needs help, seriously. Can you stop being so self-conscious and SO self-absorbed in ur own life?

screwtape letters

2009-05-24T18:44:00.003+08:00

from the screwtape letters:

"when He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done tt, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts tt when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever."

haha. this is a very cool and new way of Matt6:25 For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

why struggle to find out "who we really are" when we can be assured of who will already and will become is definitely the BEST when we are in God? then no need for discussion on "issues" of being fake/superficial/not-being-myself already! haha. cool.

do i really love? or am i only WILLING myself to?

2009-05-24T01:30:00.002+08:00

i often hear people saying that "Love is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. Is is ACTION! We can will and force ourself to COMMIT to loving, and make a DECISION to love." well, after reading Piper, i am quite convinced this is not the case.

"One thing is for sure: Love cannot be equated with sacrificial action! It cannot be equated with any action! This is a powerful anti dote to the common teaching that love is not what you feel but what you do. The good in this popular teaching is the twofold intention to show ( 1 ) that mere warm feelings can never replace actual deeds of love (James 2:16, 1 John 3:18), and (2) that efforts of love must be made even in the absence of the joy that one might wish were present. But it is careless and inaccurate to support these two truths by saying that love is simply what you do and not what you feel."

"The very definition of love in 1 Corinthians refutes this narrow conception of love. For example, Paul says love is not jealous and not easily provoked, and that it rejoices in the truth and hopes all things (13:4-7). All these are feelings! If you feel certain things such as unholy jealousy and irritation, you are not loving. And if you do not feel certain things such as joy in the truth and hope, you are not loving. In other words, YES, love is more than feelings; but, NO, love is not less than feelings. This may help account for the startling statement that it is possible to give your body to be burned and yet not have love. "

"This is why a person can give his body to be burned and not have love. Love is the overflow of joy in God ! It is not duty for duty's sake, or right for right's sake. It is not a resolute abandoning of one's own good with a view solely to the good of the other person. It is first a deeply satisfying experience of the fullness of God's grace, and then a doubly satisfying experience of sharing that grace with another person. "

Can read more from here if u wanna read more about the topic on Love, if u THINK u have been loving, or THINK u have loved "rightly", maybe we can think again: http://www.desiringgod.org/dg/id96.htm

yea..i think so many times we have caught on the popular notion of simply "loving" for "loving sake", and simply think tt we can WILL ourselves to love. i dont think i can. because tt is no longer love. When we say we love , so we serve, is there an element of DELIGHT and JOY in the service? Or are we just simply performing another Godly act?

but yes, i do agree that God calls us to obedience. Even in worship, like in service today, Ps Jenn mentioned tt even if we dont FEEL like worshipping, we can still CHOOSE to worship. But i think underlying tt ACT of willing urself to worship, there has to be an inner repentence to God, asking God for forgiveness to our attitude of indifference and "unfeelingness", and asking God to give us the grace to desire God to worship Him, and restoring to us the JOY of worshipping Him, the JOY of drinking from His Holy Presence, the JOY of knowing tt only He Himself can be our greatest satisfaction.

So, Love is not just willing urself to do deeds. It must be accompanied with an element of Delight. And we we lack tt delight, we ask God for it, and not force ourselves to generate delight, because tts where hypocrisy comes into play.

Astronomy

2009-05-22T00:32:00.003+08:00

i improved this sem! Praise the Lord!! Thank YOU Jesus, You guarded my HEART =)

God really honored me as i honored Him. Taking Astro (the killer subject tt my sis told me all who didnt SU would get C) was out of interest after the "Indescribable" video played in church, where we were brought to see the amazing wonders of the universe tt illustrates the vastness and majesty of God, being the Creator of our Universe, placing the stars where they are and speaking Creation into existence.

I was in tight struggle whether to SU jap or astro, both which were equally hard, and additionally i dont hear from pple tt if u dont SU jap u most prolly will get a C..but at tt juncture i recall the reason why i took astro anyway, which is to know my Creator God even more, to be awed by His magnificent creation and the vastness of His Love for me though im such a small creature as compared to the Universe, so i thot i shldnt let the possibility of getting a C waver me from my initial reason and desire to take this module. So..it was a little "faith" challenge i waged for myself, tt im going to honor God in this step by not SU-ing astro, to not be controlled by the fear of getting a lousy grade, and simply trusting in God's providence during the Astro paper to prepare me and allow me to glorify Him thru this module.

and..God REALLY did it! The A i got for this module was purely by the grace of God. It isnt really significant what other grades of got for other modules, but THIS module..God, may Your Name be glorified, tt u are indeed a God hears, sees, and honors. Thank You for giving me this little bonus.

Im not smart, i just have a COOL Dad in Heaven =) You are Generous. =) whee..Praise the Lord!

on my sin.

2009-05-19T00:01:00.003+08:00

i havent been spending very solid time with God, like those real intimate times. Days where ive resoluted, by God's grace, to spend time in prayer has not been done the past 2 days. Neh, not condemning myself at all because i am not saved by works tt i do. I just know when i havent spent even 1 day close with God, things mess up in big or small ways.

Funny how i nv thought the verse in matthew 7 would apply to me (see the amt of self-righteousness in man, aiyo.)-- " why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (matt 7:3) and yep it just applied to me today.

i was reading the assigned book reading "Supernatural ways of Royalty" required for SSM, and was very ready to "gun down" things tt i didnt really understand or agree with as much as i asked God to help me read it with an open heart and mind. And as i jotted down stuff, things tt happened during the day really kept occuring to me and the word "sin" kept coming back to me. This then, and after a series of -more-than-coincidence- flipping of verses which ALL brought me back to the words "sin" and "confession", tt the verse Matt7:3 came to me. This then i realised, tt im doing exactly wad was said- i was so eager to pick out little "mistakes" and "wrong stuff" by my own brothers in christ, but i failed to even see what mistakes i myself have committed just during the day.

This conviction and realisation brought me to utter confession of what i'd done wrong and what was displeasing to Dad, asking Him for forgiveness of my pride and giving in to worldly attitudes and pleasures, and also listening to my heart tt is deceitful. How deceitful can man's hearts be! But the Grace and Love of God nv fail to capture my heart and soul.

You know, i think the stage has long past, where God "feels" real whenever i experience "spiritual highs" in emotions. i have now come to a stage where God is so REAL, when He convicts me of sin, and His GRACE even more ABOUNDS in me tt brings me to my knees. This is the love of God, so real and so tangible. Thank You dad, tt i dont have to live in guilt and shame of myself, because You are loving and Forgiving.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"(emphasis mine)- 1john 1:9

China

2009-05-18T21:36:00.003+08:00

watching "世界一周", and they were interviewing these 2 Chinese Families- 1 survivor from the Szechuan earthquake, and 1 family who has to struggle to survive moving into Beijing. My heart wrenched. Is this sth from God?

The commentator was talking about the emotional trauma faced by the 2 teenagers- the survivor of the earthquake and the teenager boy who has to face many emotional pressures coping with changed lifestyle with his mom. One potential PTSD case and another potential Stress case. and, i really want to help. My heart went out to them both..and they are from the place where my heart has a really soft spot for- China. Is tt why You led me to read Psychology?

Oh God, i really wanna bring Your Kingdom there, into China. Would You lead me to her, if it's Your Will?

Yet let not my will, but Yours be done.

the popo tea stall near my hse has an assistant, a China PRC. many would probably think the way she speak is irritating, or even think tt she is irritating as a person herself. But i think she's quite funny. There's sth beautiful in her, and tt i believe is how God sees her..while we were stil sinners, Christ died for us. Christ died for her. I pray she would come to know You, God.

funny day

2009-05-08T01:03:00.002+08:00

haha today's quite a funny day!..went to watch wolverine with von ben and gim..after tt wentto von's house to help wash toilet!!! i think when this thing is done tgt...it can be quite fun..

yeah, i shld help mum with cleaning and washing toilets too..enough of comfortable life.

met kenny for dinner. i really respect him for his faithfulness in ministry and to God. despite so so so so many challenges and difficulties, "judgemental" remarks/comments abt him, ectc etc, he held on so firmly becoz he had faith. becoz he trusted in God who delivers. He jus hangs on...and is still holding on. when i think of "faithfulness", i think of kenny. i really respect u, bro. and thru u, i see God's amazing grace..awesome :) thank u bro :)

my heart is for loving God.

2009-05-05T13:13:00.002+08:00

i spent another heart-wrenching afternoon with God.

Today God faced me with this question He asked Peter: Do you love me more than these?
Now i know why ive been tired, discouraged, rejected, disillusioned, demoralised, feeling inadequate, upset, anxious, fearful. "You've been replacing Me with the cheap things of this world- self-glory, self-righteousness, self-consummation."

"I know , God..i know. Im sorry"

"But Joy, I love you. I care abt you. I care abt you so much, tt im telling you these. So tt u can find back your joy again."

God is full of mercy and grace, and He is a Father who loves me. Forgive me Lord, for replacing loving the ministry more than loving You. Forgive me Lord, for replacing loving to minister more than loving You.

Loving God is the highest calling to any Christian callings. Not pretend obedience, not religious outward appearance, not just saying with my lips "God you know tt i love you", because God tests the heart.

Thank You Lord, for spilling out my heart and confronting me with Your Love today..

"Joy, do you love me more than these?"

"It all comes back to the great love agenda where our relationship with Him is even greater than our work for Him. We are called to a love relationship with God where love is more valued than the ministry and all the great miraculous answers to prayer in relation to that ministry....."-Edmund Chan

No matter how much tme I make for God, I did not realise tt i was subconsciously relating to God as one of my many committments; no doubt an impt priority, yet still one of the many, rather than the only, single, most impt relationship tt all other relationships have to center upon.

thank You for such great love, God.

God has been my helper :)

2009-05-04T02:02:00.004+08:00

hahaah yay. Finally discovered the mystery of customi-designing my blog. Now, how do i add a TAGBOARD? haha. sigh. shld have paid more attention during html lessons in rv sec2. see, now i totally forgot all abt html coding. !!! but tt aside, i really really like this design..i know my identity in CHRIST ALONE! =)

***

ytd was such an eventful day for some of the cell pple..and for me as well. i havent engaged in such intercessory prayer to such an extent before. and God really really showed me how much He loved us by orchestrating all of these to happen..thank u Jesus! You are so so so so so so good. and i really saw how PRAYER was so so key in every part of our lives man..

this marks a new beginning for all of us, including me. some of u have dropped by to really encourage me..and i think tts really very unexpected. thank u all (u know who u are yah:) ) and i really thank Daddy God for speaking to me and affirming me thru your people..haa..sorry for ranting to You the past few days. i know tt Daddy God, YOU still love me!! heh. and You absolutely love it whenever i run to You..thanks ah, for being so gracious to me ALL THE TIME! :)

***
hope nus exams faster faster end!! i really wanna meet u girlsss. jassy & gang, huiyi&beth, debo ang and all..haha and peihui!! hope we can faster meetup too...havent tok to u for some time alr! really wanna know how uve been doingg all these while! *praysss*

***
i thank God for the weekend and i am excited for more of Him in the coming week..yay! God is good, all the time :)

my brothers and sisters

2009-05-03T03:04:00.002+08:00

the more i read Oswald Chamber's "Spiritual Leadership", the more i dont sense God calling me into leadership. So many so-called "qualities" unmet. do i have to meet them all? havent digested some. Then wad am i doing in the cell? i dont know. Only He does. Father You gotta tell me if You've been kidding me eh all along eh..i only want to do Your will, not mine. If u are calling me to step away, i will obey You. But if You are reminding me of faithfulness, i will remain faithful and obedient to Your call as well. So..what is it?
**

but anyhow, whether im called/annointed or not, i just know i want to stay alongside u guys now as u are talking things out and defeating the devil in his attempt to sow discord. I am 100% for CELL and for all of u, and i want u all to know i am supporting u in whichever way i can, but for now, it is intercessory prayer. I know there is a spiritual battle being fought now. i dont know how it is going, but im just going to put my 100% trust and faith in God. He has engineered these strings of event leading up to this trashout session, and i believe YOU will emerge as a victor thru it all. I believe in God.

Father bring Your peace, You Love, Your wisdom and Your guidance of the Holy Spirit into the situation right now. I pray You will lead the session and may this glorify Your Name, and be a pleasing aroma of worship to u as we brothers and sisters of this body trash things out in order to build up. Be with them Oh Lord, and be their Strength and Courage. Lord, we worship You.
Amen.

2009-04-30T16:12:00.002+08:00

Samuel Brengle, a gifted leader who served for many years in the Salvation Army, outlined the road to spiritual authority and leadership:

"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heartsearching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageous sacrifice of every idol, a bold uncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by an eternal, unfaltering looking unto Jesus crucified. It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, y counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader who would not be merely a nominal but a real spiritual leader of men, a leader whose power is recognized and felt in heaven, on earth, and in hell."

God wants to show such people how strong He really is (2 Chronicles 16:9). But not all who aspire to leadership are willing to pay such a high personal price. Yet there is o compromise here: in the secret reaches of the heart this price is paid, before any public office of honor. Our Lord made clear to James and John tt high position in the kingdom of God is reserved for those whose hearts- even the secret places were no one else probes- are qualified. God's soverign searching of our hearts and then His call to leadership, are awesome to behold. And they make a person very humble.

One last thing must be said, a kind of warning. If those who hold influence oer others failt o lead toward the spiritual uplands, then surely the path to the lowlands will be well-worn.

who i am & who i will be

2009-04-29T00:59:00.002+08:00

just felt like i want to declare these things tt God has spoken of me through unclevic. (haha.uncle vic!) dear God, just like what jenn has said, i dont want to be a more improved version of me, i want to be transformed to be like Your Son Jesus..more and more into the beauty of God.

This was the word that uncle vic gave me quite some time ago, which i look back every now and then. Well, not really a "word" word. maybe, many paragraphs of word, which i believe is what God desires to deposit into my heart. :) Thank you uncle vic, thank You God. :)

Joy,
Father God is helping to establish well and establish deeply a sense of purpose and destiny in your life. You are a woman who loves and dares to go deep. God’s given you a lot of perspective, a lot of hope, a lot of strength. You learn by trying, by doing and by participating with people. As your name suggests, you have lots of joy stored deep within you and you gather more from being with people around you. The kind of joy you have produces tremendous strength. A lot of strength to do things that will make a difference.

You are a giver, Joy. Because you’re a woman that wants to see the radical, the deep, the strong, and that which is very lasting. You’re a woman who seeks to create high quality relationships that are consistent and that release the truth and freedom and power of God’s presence and life being released. You give hope, you give strength. You inspire faith. You love to give, you’re a woman that blesses people so they’re not bound up, so they’re not restraint in any way. You help to cut the cords that bind and restrict people’s lives so that which is implanted can come forth. It’s like you’re calling forth their identity, their destiny, the purposes of God. You are a woman who will keep trying to give and bless. You see, for you, having a deep sense of happiness and deep relationships are very important.

Father says that you carry in your heart love and kindness and compassion. They will make a lot of difference to other people’s lives. Father says He enjoys you. He enjoys your love. He enjoys your kindness. He enjoys your faithfulness. Cos you’re a woman of love, you’re a woman of power, of authority. You’re able to go through many doors, doors that seem closed, doors that seem locked up, doors that seem to be obstacles and the Father helps you to go through them because you’re a woman who pursues His ways, His wisdom, His purposes. Your kindness opens doors. Your joy and your strength keeps them open. You dare to walk by faith. You dare to believe and try. Father God loves that deeply.

And God says your heart is special. Your love, your kindness, your gentleness expresses that. You take time to make deep connections. You take time to build love. You understand the power and beauty of time. The Father’s given you an ability to walk by faith, to discover by faith, to understand by faith. The Father’s helping you to go deeper and deeper. You like the deep relationships and deep conversation, with deep strength. The Father says I understand the things that you carry, I understand the things that you wonder about. You’re a woman asking questions, wanting to look for clarity, wanting to search for truth, wanting to find breakthroughs. You will not settle for status quo. You pursue transformation. You desire change.

Father says He loves and believes in you. He wants to give you a deep sense of being yourself, being in your Father’s arms. You will say to yourself: “My Father likes me, my Father likes who I am, my Father likes my identity, my Father understands me, my Father knows my struggles, my Father enjoys me and He makes me feel special.”

Father is saying to you I know you, I know your desires to draw deeper in intimacy. I know your dream of blessing and conveying the love of Jesus. I know your heart. It’s tender, it’s soft, it’s caring and kind. You carry inside of yourself a sense of God’s purposes, God’s dreams and a desire to fulfil them. You desire to be my loving daughter. Father says I give you hope, I give you strength, I give to you joy and the Father says to you I give to you generously. Father says I’m preparing you. I want to give you that which belongs to you – an identity, purpose, destiny and a sense of being created beautifully and wonderfully, a sense of being established, a sense of being deeply loved and cared for, a sense of God’s joy over you, flowing in you and out of you and through you so that people will be blessed in amazing ways, beyond what you can imagine and how you will imagine He chooses to use you.

kingdom prayer

2009-04-29T00:25:00.002+08:00

first day of freedom from exams.

need some getting used to. i guess im not really comfortable with resting..which isnt a very good thing coz i cant feel at peace for resting. kinda guilty feeling for "zuo-bo-ing" arising in me..but God gives rest to those He loves..and extensive worry is obviously not a good thing coz..tt means i need to learn to trust God more and start striving less.

spent some time with God in NUS while accompanying gim to study for his paper at 5..and it was an awesome time. though it was at arts canteen, amidst the hustle and bustle, God still spoke to me. it was really a 1-on-1 intimate time with Him..and i teared badly coz i really understood then, the extent of His love for me. That no matter what, no matter where, no matter how, He can still speak to me and..minister to me there and then.

i found myself learning all about surrender again. i learnt it 2 years ago, and im relearning it all over again. surrendering myself and stop putting myself on the throne and try to be in control, coz fact of the matter is i cant. with my limited resources, i can only count on God who has unlimited ones. i cannot tap on myself, becoz i have nth to be tapped on! i can only lean on my greatest Daddy. Realising who He is, what He did for me in the past, and what He WILL do for me, is really the key to integrating theology and prayer, so tt our prayers would nt be ineffective and self-centered.

God, let Your Kingdom come, and Your will be done. Not my will, but Yours be done. Teach me to pray Kingdom prayers, Lord.

:)

yay! Seek first HIS Kingdom

2009-04-28T11:03:00.004+08:00

woo, the exams are over. surprisingly, and thankfully, this sem's examination period wasnt as fretful and as stressful as the past 3 sems of exams..i believe God has guarded my heart and mind all along, tts why. AHhaa, thank YOU Jesus! =)

ytd's paper was awesome. not coz i think i fared very very well, but becoz i saw God's grace and Truth displayed in my life.

The day didnt start off too well, with a splitting headache from the nite before..slping only 2 hrs and waking up at the wee hrs of 4am to study. so i came to sch at 730am and started mugging (i've like HALF the syllabus left coz i thot it wasnt impt..till i found out much later tt 1 of 2 of the essay questions wld be from 1st half of the syllabus..hahaha..gdness.) Was rather lonely and very very very SCARED coz i rarely went into an EXAM with SO MUCH unstudied..then suddenly my friend msged me-

amanda: hey, today paper not at 9am ah?
joy: hahahaha YAH, 1pm!!
amanda: omg i thot its at 9 la!!
joy: hahaha u in sch now? gd come find me!

haha so Praise the Lord He gave me a companion thru her own "apparent mistake". still i believe God intended for me to have a companion to study with! so i didnt feel as lonely/scared thinking im facing these things alone =)

after tt we went to the lib to study..with about 4hrs remaining. man. i was really really scared counting down the time.. at the lib we met 2 of our other coursemates and they;re crazy! i bet they almost memorised the WHOLE tb coz they were testing each other and they rmb almost like every single detail of tt 218472983720page textbook! hahaa ok la i must admit they are really very very hardworking all along la =) but tt didnt really add to my comfort...so the competitive spirit in me came out and i felt even more scared.

then while i was busy whining away to amanda how screwed i think we're gonna be, then suddenly one of the 2 coursemates turned around and called me-

sarah: joycelin!!
me: yah?
sarah: u want to pray tgt later??
me: (very very shocked)..ohh..yah sure OF COZ WE NEED.!

haha so tt instant, my fears kinda vanished to about 5%, coz i suddenly realised again "wats all these mad rush for? most imptly..God shall be glorified thru all that we do". yep so we prayed, along with 1 of the other prebeliever (i think)..the 4 of us just called upon the name of God and i really could sense a shift in the atmosphere when our focus was back on God =) whee!

so although in my mind i was already prepared for a D or C grade, i walked to the exam hall really submitting to God whatever the outcome..haha. This was when vic's words came back to mind-- focus on what has Eternal value. haha..yep...

and guess what! during the exam everyth went really normal..wasnt as hard as i expected it to be =D and best of all, for the essay question, the one question tt came out was the presentation topic tt i chose to present during tutorial about some visual system (which most pple spent very little time to do it but i took MANY DAYS to prepare for it muahahaha) so in the end i could answer tt question quite welly!!! i bet like out of 90 pple only abt 3-4 pple who presented it MEMORISED the entire system muahaha PRAISE THE LORD! so much favour mann hahaha...yayy thankew JESUSSS...! u are amaaaaazing!

this then i realised what Matt6:33 is all about when i still went abt serving God the past week..heh. Seek first His kingdom and His Righteouness, and ALL THESE will be added to you a well.

:)

Daddy will always be Daddy

2009-04-21T11:36:00.003+08:00

in the midst of the mugging and studying, i have to consistently remind myself what is MOST impt. and wads all this mad rush for?

timely to take a step back and evaluate on my past 1 week...have i been glorifying God with my behaviors and my thoughts? have books and grades overtaken the place tt God shld have and must have in my life?

Sorry God, sorry for the mad rush. "Instead of trying harder, you trust more."

yea..

Dear Lord,
help me to glorify You in all tt i do, all tt i think, all tt i say. i want to worship u in my thoughts even. Help me to seek first YOUR kingdom and righteousness. i cannot do tt on my own..amen! thank u jesus! =)

Your grace is MORE than enough for me, and i rejoice in your amazing grace. for what is man, what am i, without the sustainance of Your Grace?

***
i have learnt to slowly, bit by bit, let God deal with my issues. no community, then i build. but it is the Lord who builds it.

joyy :)
when i rise i will praise You. when i fall, i will YET praise Your Holy Name. You are righteous and loving. thank You God, that You are my Dad. :) and Dad WILL be Dad.

1 peter 5:7 let Him settle it for u

2009-03-24T12:06:00.003+08:00

Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you. -1peter5:7

When i cast my cares on Him, I allow God to do for me what i cannot do for myself. and when i do that, His grace comes to me.

so many times ive been clinging on to things tt i worry about. tt i fear. tt i fl anxious about. tt i cannot do ANYTHING ABOUT! sometimes i just feel so STUCK.

but God knows, I NEED STRENGTH. I NEED EMPOWERMENT. and..He will settle it.

"God, i give u this relationship. i give u this problem. i give u this sticky situation. will u help me?"

and sth supernatural takes place. and sth settles in ur heart. and you KNOW, you JUST know, tt He will settle it.

u believe it.

and He will settle it in your heart...

amen!

for my sis =)

2009-03-24T11:09:00.003+08:00

hey, havent been blogging for a fairly long time.
but i feel i should blog to testify of God's amazing grace in my life..

few days ago sth happened which really tore me down..because i heard words tt havent been spoken to me before in my entire 21 yrs of my life. and it was utter shock and sadness for me..i felt really lousy.

but i thank God for my sis at home who listened to me complain and offer me tissue as i cried myself to slp. it was realy very very sad la.

but the next day, God sent me an email, literally. it was really like a msg from Him, to persist in Love. No matter how dejected i feel, i can continue to love, because Jesus has loved me. So i can pour out this love on His children, coz He loves them too. and suddenly i realise, all along when ive been praying "God, teach me to love Your people", He has already orchestrated all these to happen. For if this didnt happen, how was I going to learn 1 Cor 12:7--

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Thank You, Daddy God. I know you are working in my life. You have always been, and will always do. =) Thank You that i have hope in my life, because i have YOU! =)

***

just now i was reading Purpose-Driven Life book, and it says"If your neighbour had cancer or aids, and u knew the cure, it would be criminal to withhold that lifesaving information. even worse is to keep secret the way to forgiveness, purpose, peace, and eternal life."

and i feel like i GOT to tell my sis about it...and i believe this is what God wants me to do as well....

coz of her 'fren' who was recently diagnosed with cancer. 4th stage. i believe God can heal, if it's within His will to heal. definitely. but i also believe that if it takes this particular sickness to save this one person for eternity beyond physical death, through believeing in Jesus and what He has done on the cross for him, i believe He wants to, even more. Because what's on the earth will pass away, But His Life and His Love will never pass away. so yea..i figured, maybe that "fren" right now just needs to hear the Good News of Salvation for eternity. =)

***

went to read my sis blog which i havent for the longest time, and i just wanna say to YOUU:
JIAYOU!!! didnt know it has been THAT tough for u in that job. BUUTT, i will pray for u, that God will give u the grace and strength to endure whatever trials u may seem to be put thru. Because He loves you, and any burden is not for you to bear. It is for Him to bear.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. " -1 peter 5:7

love u sistaaa. =)

lovee, joy!

every prayer counts

2008-11-18T00:15:00.003+08:00

4 papers finally over today, 1 more left next tues. i really thank God for seeing me thru this unsually stressful time! am beginning to see how much more effective i can be if im serving in just 1 ministry...so i think i need to talk to Chris soon about the worship min and cell committments. i really feel like i am shortchanging the members just coz of my own benefits. and plsu God having spoken to me on so many occassions thru so many people, i think its quite some time i move on =)

anyway, today i spend the entire evening at tbp with gim. when we were leaving for the mrt, we came across this lady on the harmonica, with a badly injured/bloodclotted leg, and who is blind. my spirit really REALLY was stirred, and i really felt like we shld go and pray for her. it was quite awkward, coz its in the middle of nowhere! and i dun even noe if she wld reject us. but anyhows, w some encouragement from gim, we both went up to her. and asked her if we cld pray for her coz we are christians, and we want to pray for her healing (all in chinese omg). to our amazement she readily agreeed! so yep, we just saida short prayer and helped her look after her stuff while her friend brought her to the washroom after tt... gim said i prayed too long a prayer, and i also felt my prayer was UNINTELLIGIBLE coz my chi praying really really cmi. but i know it's the Holy Spirit who prays and intercedes for the lady in healing thru me, so its not really me tt matters la. its how POWERFUL THE LORD IS tt realy matters.

so after tt i come home, and now im at the comp. and i received vic's email of abby;s testimony, and i so know tt it is God affirming me. the testimony is entitled: 15th November 2008 – Every Prayer Counts.
oh my oh my, how loudly my jESUS speaks to me! and He has affirmed me, that every single prayer tt is uttered and agreed on earth is agreed in heaven as well. wheee. i really see how 2 separate events are SO ENGINEERED !! one in msia & the other one in spore tiongbahru and come tgt so tt GOD IS GLORIFED THRU THEM! God IS SO GOOD!=)

LOVEE, JOY!

He Loves His sheep (:

2008-11-08T01:09:00.003+08:00

had cell today! =) im really growing to love them more n more each week la..i see Jesus working in their lives, and im encouraged. =)

today gim shared sth very interesting with me. he said he was asking God wad to do for cell, and then God gave him Micah 7:14. when he told me tt i was like huh, why so 'ulu' verse. haha but when he continued explaining, i was SO AMAZED.

" Shepherd your people with your staff, the flock of your inheritance, which lives by itself in a forest, in fertile pasturelands. Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead as in days long ago."- Micah 7:14

so wad happened was, for his cell today came kristie and esther and himself. so keith jus casually asked gim to join his cell for tonite..! and then SO DESU NE, "as in days of old" means KEITH'S CELL! hahha means YAH LOH, he didnt need to prep for cell! hahah coz God alr told him wad's gonna happen!...so indeed, gim brought his sheep to feed in the lands as in days of old.

not only do i see God speaking so clearly to gim, but also the fact tt He loves His own sheep so much, tt He brings them on excursions to feed on other gd lands as well! how sweet (: God loves His children much much much more than we can love 'em. i fl so fortunate tt im one of His too (:

Daddy's Refreshment!

2008-11-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

today gim told me about this online Strong's Concordance. so i tried it out for Psalm 27 (the verse tt has been stuck in my head ever since gim's bday)...omgosh. concordance is amazing. the bible is even more WOAH. theres just so many so many insights from God, revelations after revelations as Holy Spirit reveals more stuff thru the word of God, tt i just cant wait to read the bible EVERYDAY NOEEE.

have been very encouraged to read the Word everyday with expectancy tt Daddy God yearns to speak to me! As i draw near to Him, HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO ME! =)

today as i continued meditating on Psalm 27:4, even more stuff came to me.

"One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple."

desired= to let (one) ask (successfully)

dwell= to sit down, to stay, inhabit

beauty= favour, pleasantness, delightfulness

enquire= to seek, consider, reflect

temple= palace of the King

in essence, this one simple yet rich verse just tells us tt Daddy God allows us to ask and to have this, which i wld keep seeking: to sit down and stay in the house of Daddy God from now till the end of my life, to see/look upon the delightfulness and favour of God, and to seek and reflect abt God in HIS PALACE.

omg. do u noe how much favour is there in this! how much privilege and joy is there, to know u are so favoured and delighted upon by THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE , and to be able to sit down (and not rush around or stay briefly) and stay in HIS HOUSE of peace to just reflect and laadeedah. wahhhh.

and this is only ONE verse!

i was so thrilled after this, spent abt an hr or so SIMPLY on this one verse! i cant imagine doing it for the whole psalm!! wheee~ the BIBLE IS EXCITING AND LIVING!

***

studied the whole day today with SO MUCH JOY! becoz i noe God delights in me! aiyah, i was just very very very joyful the whole day knowing tt im favoured in God's eyes and at ANYTIME i can jus go relac-jack in his PALACE! muahaha.

thank u daddy God for ur refreshment eh! =D

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

trusting God

2008-11-02T18:06:00.002+08:00

heyloo..
thanks Jon whom i know reads this place and who msged me in the wee hours of one morning jus to encourage me tt he feels encouraged thru the posts. haha =)
**

anw, this week's been [pretty] tough! haha, chionging for exams last min, i duno why this sem seems to be having SO LITTLE TIME. im only like left with 1 weeek+ to finish studying 3 thick tb. u noe, other than God, no one else can help me thru this alr.

=/

another exciting thing tt happened: IT WAS GIMMIE'S BDAY YTD!! haha had a small surprise for him on fri at 12am near my hse where sam and ben came to surprise him with icecreeamm, i didnt even noe he likes tt!!! hahahah oh mans, hahah yes but I SHLD TAKE NOTE OF MORE THINGS NOW. =p and on sat, his lovely frens at church gathered to surprise him again after svc. aw. very nice to see the whole chunk of them surrounding him ytd to sing him the bday song, haha, GIMMIE: I HOPE U REALLY REALLY ENJOYED UR 24TH =)
and we went off to ADM in NTU hahah to have our own mini celebration tgt. hehe, im glad to finally spend some personal time with u after such a busy-non-gim-week. hahah, its time to start to mug after this =)

***
when i was praying for gim for a verse from God, psalm 27 came to me. so as i myself was personally meditating upon it, it gave me so much more strength, and really placed things back into perspective. wont say tt its coincidence tt this was the very same verse chrisie bro asked the music min to meditate on 3 weeks back:

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me

to devour my flesh, [a]

when my enemies and my foes attack me,

they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

One thing i ask of the Lord: to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
how many times have i been seeking great rxnships, seeking great results, seeking treasures tt are temporary, but have forgotten to seek wad is eternal, and wad truly means LIFE?

i want to dwell in the house of the Lord forever, because tt is never temporary. the joy and the peace and the satisfaction ttt comes from tt unique house of God will never cease to be, and will last till eternity.

so wads the deal abt grades and stuff ? to give me a good gpa, good honor, good name among my frens? and forsake rxnships, family, and thus, God? haha. time to let go Joy.

although i know this might mean a drop in my gpa this sem, but Lord, i am going to cling on to Your promise: And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him, those who are called according to His good purposes. Romans 8:28.

this doesnt mean im not going to study hard. i will still strive to give a spirit of excellence in everyth i do, but im not gg to bet my life on u, GPA. its hard to do it, but im not gonna do it based on my own strength to let it go. God's gonna help me, and i ll have His full support, i know =)

I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

amen!

Jesus spoke to us today!

2008-10-21T02:03:00.005+08:00

GOD LOVES ME SOOOO MUCH! wah i must blog this. GOD IS SO TOTALLY WORKING IN OUR RXNSHIP.

few days(or week?) ago Chris was telling me about praying every night and tgt with Gim more often. to cultivate this habit coz it is good for the rxnship.

and then just now, suddenly daryl(my canoeing snr) randomly come and tok to me(after not talking for a few yrs)..and then we were suddenly into the topic of rxnships..shortly after tt, he told me the benefits of praying tgt with our partner and that God really desires to work in rxnships a lot. then he encouraged me to pray with gim every night..
**editted: AND thruout the whole convo he was totally using MY SMILEY tt i drew many yrs ago ahaha which kinda cfm tt the message n reminder's for ME! from MY DADDY! =D

shortly after tt, gim asked to call, so i called him...and then he also told me that God spoke to him on the train, and reminded him to continue putting God in the centre of our relationship, and pray more often tgt..

ahhahaahha wth!!!
is GOD speaking or wad!! really need to confirm soooo many times la! hehe I FEEL SO LOVED. GOD WANNA WORK IN OUR LIVES! and He sends pple from all over the place to come and speak to us!

wheee~~ Jesus loves me so much! i am so so so blesssssed =D =D and how sweet. God is soooo interested in the smallest intricate-est details in our lives despite being the Almighty King. whooo! =D thank u LOrd!!!

loveeee, joy!

**editted: and i just got reminded tt dom had actually sent the whole cell an email, regarding wad God spoke to him about all of us specifically while he was bathing at 1am:

"For Joy:
- the Lord will PROSPER you in your relationship with your other half
- continue to honor Him with all the faith you have, even if it seems small in your eyes - remember that faith the size of a mustard seed MOVES MOUNTAINS!!!"

God's way of prospering is not thru my way, but thru His own way--> and tt's prayer (:

to Jesus

2008-10-19T23:33:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU JESUS!
i am not forgotten, because i am Your child whom You delight in, daddy God! =))

after so long, i finally saw u, felt u, and got in touch with u once again. its been a long time, my Love.. =D

worshipping alone on my own at home had never felt this peaceful, this joyful, this ministering. and i do believe it can happen and would happen EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.!

im excited for more God, i believe there is more to come in my crazy journey with uu....!

loveee, joy

1st in many many moons~

2008-10-19T17:22:00.002+08:00

woo!
it's been long since i last posted. jess told me she happened to chance upon my blog, and now ive decided to revive it..why?

i realised over the months that i really express myself much much better through words. so many things on my heart, so many things i wanna say, yet so little time to meetup with my besties, and sometimes lazy to recount and recount to people my feelings as they are at that moment.

and...i guess typing everything out helps me process what is going through the complicated ind much better. so here am i, once again. JESS, ITS NOT OUTDATED ALR! haha =)

***
there's been much changes in my life ever since the previous post, one of them definitely being with my dearest =), and also stepping up a bit more in cell. NTUCell, that is.

also..many many more testimonies of God's goodness in my life which i really dont know where to start, so yep. i will start blogging them from now on, so that He can be even great-ly GLORIFIED! =)

i am very proud of the youths in coos. they actually started a blog to contain all testimonies abt God's greatness, details LOOK FOR JENGTING! heh.

***
just came back from cell outing to east coast today! we cycled for like almost 5hrs man, super tiring. but fun though. im beginning to get my sporting genes back, and i so feel like exercising more and doing more outdoor stuff now! wondering how can i combine it with evangelism. hehe, i only have 24hrs like everyone else mah. so wld be gd if can 3in1 activity to accomplish more things in less time. heh. wad a slave driver. was just reading purpose-driven life that said sth like.."this book is not teaching people to do more with less time, in fact, it is about doing less". heh, food for thought yah =)

still in the process of rxnship-building with all my cellies. i really love the cell, and its unexplicable..becoz i have only known them for such a short time. so, it really must be and has to be God who has put this love for them into my heart. and i do thank God for this =)

wow. i feel i have been silent for such a long time...airing my thoughts only once in a while to some people here and there. and i feel so good now typing these things out...
quite random though =p

***

i love being in the worship min. and i thank God, unceasingly, for placing me in here. thru the ministry i have grown and learnt SO MUCH abt intimacy with God, and tt Jesus is all tt matters. everything else is 2nd. and abt drawing close to God, casting all our cares upon Him, finding ultimate joy in Him and His presence..there is fullness of joy. think people who havent experienced this joy really cant comprehend the extent of TRUE JOY that we experience when we really KNOW GOD. and His heart for u. (:

***

was sharing with gimmmie dear ytd that recently had been quite lousy and feeling scared abt praying. and not having very fruitful times with God. i hope it really is picking up now..(: slowly, but surely. because God will never forsake us.

how great is Your love, God. i really cannot understand, bt it feels so good to know that i am loved by the greatest being in this life, and for the rest of my eternal life.

haha..

***

feel so much better after typing all these. more to come!

to JASSY, YUU, CYY AND DEN: i really miss u girls, and long to hang out with u all soon. *many many hugs* u all are missed u noe...must have been sneezing a lot. haha (: loves.

lovee, joy (:

counting my blessings for the year 2007

2008-01-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

Daddy has blessed me with SO SO MUCH in 2007..there's so much to praise Him for..

How can i keep from singing Your praise, how can i ever say enough, how amazing is Your Love..?

1. Bringing me back to Him, to Church in the beginning of '07 through a lost contact -- kokhong
2. Placing me in YGOS to learn how to love people who might be difficult to love
3. Teaching me to evangelise through school social work
4. Softening my parents' hearts to allow me to undergo Baptism
5. My parents gave me a SoOKee diamond Cross-pendant necklace as a Baptism Gift
6. They attended my Baptism =)
7. Putting me in Fuel Camp to allow me to experience Him face-to-face, to ignite the Passion for Him and His Will in me
8. Bringing me to Church community, bringing me friends and bro and sis in Christ through a simple yet powerful Fuel Camp
9. Bringing me friends i never thought i would have in Baptism Class(i thought i ll be all alone)
10. Putting me where i desire to be (NTU Psych)
11. Getting me into Sports Camp, then GL, so tt i could in turn touch ppl the way He wants me to in '08 =)
12. Being the bridge of friendship to yu! so much so she has become such a precious to me this yr
13. Sustaining my friendship with jassy my BESTERESTEST BUDDY
14. Giving me a new GDEST FRIEND LAWRENCE TEO JING ER
15.Softening my parents' heart to allow me to go on Missions for the first time in my life
16. Showing me Jesus thru the trip, allowing me to experience Prophesying for the first time in my life, and accurately
17. Blessing me with a superb, amazing and loving mentor, uncle vic!
18. Putting me thru adventure camp as a planner, to work with fellow bro and sis to org a church camp the first time in my life
19. Placing me in Pathfinder camp, so tt i reconciled with huiru and stretched my comfort zone
20. Putting me in NTU cell for a Reason tt i am still seeking to find out
21. Giving me a caring and genuine and loving mentor and godmum Doris
22. Mending my parents' relationship supernaturally, they are so loving towards each other now
23. Teaching me humility thru various ways and Words released from the Bible
24. Allowing me to go thru the rought patch of decisionmaking for church ministry
25. Allowing me to go thru the period of waiting on the Lord in stillness
26. the many many rough patches and period of dryness of praying in Hope
27. my bad relationships with fellow guy friends that taught me so much abt boundaries
28. teaching me how to balance my life of work, school, church, family and...Dearest Daddy =)
29. Blessing me with great brothers like kenny, gim, franco, dom, champ, weirong, marcus lim, yongjin, jeremy, zhongkai, kokhong, ben, josh, jon
30. Blessing me with loving sisters like abby, eeli, trix, crystal, rach, la, jo, denise, mer, ruyi, junn, seah, huiyi
31. Placing me in worship ministry for His greater purpose
32. Convicting and directing the Christmas party
33. Allowing me to meet a new friend SQ thru such a lame event like SC Marathon
34. Sustaining my friendship with canoeing girls and guys!
35. Giving me friends when i thought i would have none when i first went NTu coz i didnt go for Faculty camp
36. Building my friendships with psych coursemates so tt we're gd pals now!
37. Giving me the gift of singing and improving my voice quality supernaturally
38. Allowing me to dream dreams and see visions
39. Blessing me with unexpected grades tt can only be attained by His grace
40. Enabling me to evangelise in boldness and courage
41. Blessing me with so many opportunities to share the Love of Christ with strangers, taxi drivers, and even friends around me
42. Bringing my relatives to Christ and making them so on fire for You!
43. Bringing revival to RVHS my beloved school!

and more to come..=)

28th dec 2007

2007-12-20T17:15:00.000+08:00

wooo~~

this is so so so LAST MINUTE. have been thinking since the start of dec of having a mega party and inviting all my friends to share the love and joy of christmas...but thinking of all the hassle of calling pple, deco, programming, food, moolah, I JUST STOPPED SHORT at it and told myself to stop dreaming of having such a beeg event coz it kinda seemed sooo impossible.

but, on the train, was talking to God and the many promptings and convictions has led me to dare to take the step to organise the party and just follow as God leads. i might not have the money, i might not be the most creative person to come up with the best prog, but i am trusting God to take care of everything tt the party is going to need.

have a list of 50+ pple...and so far, 25 have cfmed! ohmygash i am soo excited for the 28th!! i hope my friends really have fun playing, eating, and knowing new people =) wheee!! IM SO EXCITED to see God's will unfold as He provides me with all tt i would need. whether money drops from the sky or not, im just gonna trust Him!...=)

Life

2007-11-26T10:51:00.000+08:00

" Why do you show me iniquity," he asked the Lord, "and caused me to see trouble?"

God's response to His confused prophet indicates that even when evil obscures the face of God, our inability to see Him does not mean He is uninvolved. God said, "Look among the nations and watch-- be utterly astounded! For I will work a work in your days which you would not believe, though it were told to you."

When world events caused us to despair, turn off the news and turn to Scripture.

Lives are at hand..and what are we doing to save souls?

2007-11-25T23:02:00.000+08:00

cant study now at all.

very scary.

will all of them end up in heaven?

a shock.

2007-11-25T14:00:00.001+08:00

This is a TOTAL MIRACLE.I was crying just now over my stats, coz i really dont understand anything about it and the paper's just tmr. i kept crying, and prayed. and i told God tt if He would just send someone to encourage me to let me noe He's here, then i would believe Him. becoz i really needed Him.

and OUT OF THE BLUE!, came an sms:"Joy, jiayou!! (:"- cheryl

i asked her why so sudden?! she said "Hmm just wanted to sms you encourage you. heh (: "

WAH I TELL U. TELL ME HOW AMAZING OUR GOD IS?!!!

im in a state of shock.

PEACEEEE

2007-11-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

wooots~!hahaha went to study with elfie and jassy tonite. omg ytd went to nus to mug with jas and her frens and i realise im so introverted ahahah I DONT DARE TO MAKE FRENS wahhh tt's an amazing discovery!!

yupp and after tt on the spot i decided to stayover at jas house though it's a 5% chance of parents allowing, BUT THE 5 % CAME TRUE. hahahah so yuppp went to jassy's hse wahh i havent been there for quite long i felt. hahaha and we talked quite a bit yayyy about HEART issues as we SLEPT TOGETHER ON ONE BED. HAHAHAHAHHAHAH yah very very scandalous i noe MANY PPLE are very jealous. HAHAHHA =p

in the end we slept at 4amm++ and gotta wakeup early in the morn to meet elf and we mugged at her hse!

and i spent an hour with God.

in that hour, He finally convicted me, after so many so many times of doubt and selective hearing, i gave in to Him and decided to stay on in the worship ministry..For the first time in the 2 months i actually heaved a sigh of relief and tears of joy and peace really rolled down my cheeks. i really felt the peace and comfort that ive yearn for God to fill me with. and now, i finally experienced His approval today. =)

i will walk in confidence although it might be a tumultous journey. but because i KNOW im still walking in the centre of God's will, i will trudge on with His Courage =)
yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Confirmations from God. He screams

2007-11-20T19:55:00.000+08:00

it's the unsettling kind of feeling. coz i dont want to move ahead of God and proceed with my decision just coz i feel tt's where my heart is leading me to. got to move with the Spirit..so my mind was quite unsettled the entire day. actually, for a long time, i have still been asking the Lord if it is His call to move out.

and then God led me to read the bible where my daily bread was 'kiap-ed' in.

"Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until i come, devote yourself to the public reading of the Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you."- 1 tim 4:11-14

i think the experience of God giving me the 3 whole pages to scream at me about Sabbath and Rest was not enough to teach me about trusting God in the way He is leading me to.

i need to be constantly screamed at. haa..=)

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-- whatever we ask-- we know that we have what we asked of him." -- 1 john5:14-15

"Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers -- not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eaer to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." -1 Peter 5:2-3

(: Daddy is good. He knows the condition of our heart.

the break- concluding days..

2007-11-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

Hello Blog(:

I have been studying since dawn and thinking about the end of the exams. which also means my meetup with pjenn and lynn updating them about my life in these 2 months..which brings me to think tt it's necessary to pen down some of the important experiences and insights God has been guiding me through, gently, in the past 2 months..(:

I think one of the most important thing that i have gained in the past 2 months is the relationship that i have with Daddy. (: The 2 months without any additional committment other than studying at school and being with schoolmates and family, there was much much much increased and regular time spent with God. He taught me how to wait on Him, and reminded me time and again, not to be in a Seasonal relationship with Him, instead, a weekly, daily, hourly, and even second-ly relationship knowing by Faith that He is constantly supporting me. And tt He is with me. Spending lone times with Him in school at some ulu corner, or in my room all alone, on buses, at Macs, at Cafes, on trains, were amazing. It is not as scary now..compared to the past where i am always apprehensive about spending time alone with God (i wouldnt know what to do!). But now, i have learnt, and experienced, that i can do absolutely ANYTHING when i allocate that time specially for Daddy, and He WILL speak to me and minister to me with a timely word thru any kind of ways. I guess it has been real challenge at the start as i shared with kh, esp for busy and impatient people like us who CANNOT have nothing to do at all. but i learnt, as i experienced the kind of peace that God gives as we wait upon Him in stillness. It's a lot like meditation, just that the focus of thoughts is on God's wisdom in His Word. (:
of coz, this has to come with lots of discipline. not really about forcing myself to sit down and read His word, but building up that habit of Needing to do it, just because it is a basic need and food for my soul.

I have come to experienced God in many supernatural ways, and of coz some natural ones. Supernatural ways would include the worship nite, the timely sermon few days ago, Gim giving me a word as he prayed over me, reading purposedriven life and how it pricks me and drove me to make a decision about ministry, and also how p.marcus prayed over me in an altar call which i found so hard to go up for.
Natural ones, would definitely include my hurts and periods of downess, drowning in self-condemnation and selfdoubt, examination stress which i havent felt in such a long time.
In all these ways, i have been refreshed by God in learning to rely on Him at all times. and it is really, AT ALL TIMES. not only when im down and sad, but also when im happy. haha funny thing is we always forget God when we are in happy and delightful situations.

i have emerged from all these experiences, a girl who has learnt to trust God in my gd and bad times. sounds funny, like, isnt it a known fact? to all christians? But haha , to me, it's back to the basics. Now it's more than head knowledge. so, now, it's about Being, not Doing.(: and im thankful for this break..(:

Now what else. haha, oh, i have learnt so much more to love people. to not be constantly worrying about not accomplishing significant things in the eyes of man, but to accomplish things tt are significant in the eyes of God, like, building relationships with people i come into contact with. it has not been easy for me to accomplish this coz, i am a achievement-oriented person i have come to realise. the incident during adventure camp where i put aside my tasks and duties to spend time sharing life with natalie was an occasional incident which i thought was very pleasing in God's eyes. but ive learnt to do it so much more in thse past few months, where i put aside my work and grades just so that i can minister to people. to put in "un-christian-ly", to give of my time to people so that they're life are enriched by a bit more with my presence, and not devote my time entirely to studying and getting frustrated when God interrupts my schedule. i learnt that by doing this, i am truly worshipping God with my time..to love people, esp people who are hard to love. Many times i just feel like ignoring these people coz they truly might irritate me at times, but God's always nudging my conscience and gave me the love just enough to be with them, and to love them in return.

through all these God showed me the true meaning of "Seek first His righteousness and all these will be given to you as well." from matt 6. "these" manifested in the form of exceeding grades that could never have been achieved with my little studying. hahaa although i always claim to have long mugging sessions, much of this time would be spent on praying, reflecting on God's works and reading Word. and of coz, sharing life with my studying khakis, which worth more eternal value than the grades. but all these, were just being added to me. haha, this is the first time i see it concretely in my life (: rather amazing come to think of it (:

one thing tt i am really happy to learn about, is BALANCING my life. haha, life isnt about extremes, contrary to what ive been living my life like. it's either this this and THIS, or that that and THAT, no in-betweens. tt's why frens always say im extreme. not only frens, pastors and family members alike, have commented the same thing about me. but this break i kind of managed a breakthrough. not perfectly. im still trying to grasp hold of the concept of "balancing" stuff in my life and i think it's gonna take a whole lifetime to learn it, but im quite prepared. the whole concept of balancing is really about priorities put into solid action (Faith without deeds is dead! so is "Understanding" concepts without applying them!) im No longer totally abandoning sth for the sake of sth newer/better/simply one other thing tt comes along the way. i guess ive learnt to say no to some things less impt, learnt to schedule my time so i can accomodate impt things at the same time and even learnt te basics of differentiating what's impt, whats urgent, and whats BOTH. really helps a lot in managing my life. of coz there is a fine line between Balance and Focus. If not handled well, balancing my life can easily become a throw-off on focus..ahaha thats why learning the art of balancing my life is still a long way to go. but im happy to start practising it the past few weeks la (: but at least i am thinking more before i act(committing anyhow-ly) "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." -Proverbs 19:2

last but not least, i learnt the meaning of ministry work and the purpose of it. not entirely to self-edify and develop. sure, it includes that since God tells us to develop whatever gifts and talents that we have. but majorly, ministry is really to serve our wonderful King because of how much we just want to repay the unrepayable debt of Jesus's love, by serving others. No matter which ministry im in, God uses me. but He uses everyone differently, according to how He has designed us to be, for the benefit of the church. haha, i guess there is no other reason why i chose serving my fellow youths at the directerestest level over singing and contributing thru worship ministry..but simply coz my heart is for the lives of the youths. whichever aspect..i truly find joy in helping them grow closer to Christ, believers of nonbelievers, in their lives. not indirectly, but directly, touching, and impacting their life. whee. hahaha it's just the basic reason, i realised. hah and God, u noe my uncertainties, but u will overcome them in time. i forsee a very tumultous path, i am scared. but i will go on from here.

so much for the break. haha, i feel less "stuck" in my thoughts now, penning down these thoughts.

God, thank your for your time these 2 months. for growing me..

what does ur spirit say to these? (:

conversations about Need

2007-11-20T02:41:00.000+08:00

oy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
u noe, i am very easily excited abt God
oy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
whenever He speaks to me
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
or touches me
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
or amazes me
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
i think one reason is coz i am tt insecure
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
tt i am easily satisfied
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
it's like..a beggar?
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
when someone gives him even a small biscuit
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
he grabs it eagerly
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
and is very very happy?
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
hahaah wah, i nvr realised it until now
joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
hahaha not tt i think i am a beggar in God's eyes!

joy* i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him. says:
just an analogy la..

nnyl nuj says:
hmmmmm.
nnyl nuj says:
let's jsut put it this way - u were made for HIm
nnyl nuj says:
only He satisfies.
nnyl nuj says:
so basically,
nnyl nuj says:
there's an array of things tt can make u happy, no doubt abt it
nnyl nuj says:
but the one thing tt can truly satisfy is God and God alone
nnyl nuj says:
and if u were to compare all these things with God's love, U'd see a vast differernce
nnyl nuj says:
i used to wonder
nnyl nuj says:
why on earth was i so hooked onto God and all
nnyl nuj says:
like my other christian friends know GOd and all but weren't HOT for him
nnyl nuj says:
then i realised tt it was becos only He cld satisfy the deepest n most basic need for love.
nnyl nuj says:
tt was why i was like eterenally indebted to him.

nnyl nuj says:
it's not becos u are like damn insecure tt's y god matters to u
nnyl nuj says:
but it's becos u know tt deep down he's real tt
nnyl nuj says:
's y u love him
nnyl nuj says:
and serve hi,
nnyl nuj says:
him
nnyl nuj says:
n his actions of love amaze u
nnyl nuj says:
keep lookin to tt.
nnyl nuj says:
(:

JONAH

2007-11-17T18:20:00.000+08:00

i am so, so, so, overwhelmed...

i promise, GOD IS SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW..

I came home after the meeting with uncle vic and jamie today, totally lost and thrown off..and i was just crying out to God in songs. i wanted to do things a new way. no more quick fixes..and i sang out to Him in my room, all alone. "Lord, i offer my life up to you...everything i've been thru, use it for Your glory.."

and then i fell into a deep sleep.

i woke up, feeling worse, and thereafter came the previous blog entry on how i am escaping from God.

and i felt compelled, a sudden urge to listen to online sermons. It's the first time i ever went to the COOS website to listen to any sermons. but i went, and randomly clicked on one by Pastor Raphael Samuel: God's Wind Brings Changes.

i was totally blown away. really. It was a book on Jonah Chapter 1: Jonah Flees from God.

i was so shocked, God spoke to me thru Pastor Samuel Raphael.

Indeed, i was running away from God like Jonah, who didnt wanna yield to God. But God is very sovereign. Sovereign means Control. No matter what happens, EVERYTHING is under control and the plans of God. No matter how much further we want to run to, God pursues us. He pursues us so much, because that is the extent of His love.

And he talked about changes. milestones. which is exactly what ive been faced with in the past few weeks. Decisions about changes in ministry, things that i know God is going to operate in my school. to me, these are changes that affect my life a lot. relationships as well. And the difficulties and changes that i am facing now are winds of God. Christians know many things, and they always want to know sth new. but the truth it, we already know these things. And God works to help us knw them DEEPER. He is bringing us deeper, than just head knowledge.

It is these difficulties and changes that is going to mould me to such a deep extent, to prepare me for the grandeur that God has placed ahead of me. He IS preparing me!

And pastor said, don't try to escape anymore...which was what i have been subtly doing the past few weeks.

"hey joy, i got this all planned out for u. You are under the sovereign plan of mine, because my extent of love for u is THIS BIG! i am pursueing you, do u know it, now? " I hear God saying this to me..

"You will experience His peace and joy.." he says..=)

and the sermon ended with this song..

"Lord, i offer my life to You, everything i've been thru, use it for Your glory.."

wow...God SO SPOKE.

need i say more?...Thank You Daddy, You never fail to offer a timely word in season. (:

i really needed this affirmation to know that where i am going into, i am in safe hands though i can't see it. Jonah let himself be thrown into the sea in order to calm the storm brought by God, not knowing of the BIG FISH PLAN that God has already prepared in advance to keep Jonah in safe hands amidst the vast ocean.

I AM SO HAPPY!

joy

2007-11-17T17:55:00.000+08:00

have been feeling like puking the entire dayy.

i wonder sometimes why God made me into a person who thinks too much, sometimes too much for my own good. Where has all the joy into me gone too?

reflective mode...

i want to be happy and i know, i can find true joy in loving God.

head knowledge now..there is really no action.

=(

i envy people who always seem to be forever happy, like, worryless and stuff. although it might be superficial and there could be things bugging them that i do not know, but it's really irritating when i dont even have the energy to even "look okay."

i met Aunty sarah on the way home today and the first thing she asked me was "hey! why do u look sooo drained?"

i didnt know what to say. so i randomly quoted the easiest answer.."oh...having exams..yea=)"

but that totally wasnt the reason at all la..

im drained coz, i havent been filled with the full measure of His love, or so i thought. i fl drained cos, i keep pushing Him out of my life. very very ESCAPISM.

there is no condemnation noe, joy. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He tells me that everyday, but why am i constantly blocking Him out..?

i think i can kind of identify with Jas. i need my passion for LIFE BACKKK. my life is not all about studying and getting dean's list and be happy yay. it's not. neither is it finding my prince charming and being happy. it's not.

it's abt seeing God in everything i do, and helping others do the same.

but i need energy to do this.

i need like a sudden pang of LOVE. of CONCERN. genuine concern. expectations from men will always fail, but i noe my God doesnt.

i can smile and noe i have won tis emotional battle, becoz i have Him.

yes, up & on, joy.

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!!

a blessed girl. greatly! =)

2007-11-09T09:14:00.000+08:00

dadddy
jinnyjjiejie from EUROPE!
jassy
yu
cy
denissee
jx
alvin
ryann
amanda(GL)
WEETHENGBRO
gim
jon
kk
ben
b1
HEI
samm
se
brig
thebee
ms!
royston
SARAH(WOEIXI!)
ahlong
jerry
kennyBRO
xinyu
rachh
charlene
michelle&uncle vic!
rowena
peilin
peggy
felNEO!
pris
stance
amandachua
vania
eeli!!
michael
chloe
ferdi
sean
jiehuai
vivien
crystal
kimm
nazz
zhiqiangg
joshh
bali!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
they made my dayyy =D
and of coz wonderlicious yu and jas who cabbed down all the way early in the morning for the after-lecture-surpriseeeee wheee =D love love! with the many happy colourful helium balloons and sunflowers and cakey!

and thankYEW HEI&B1 FOR WHYY!!!! =D CAN I CALL HIM "WAI" INSTEAD. hehehehe...or "NIC" hahahahahha =p I LOVE IT LA SO CUTE N RETARDED!!! hahahahah

and im so touched my proj grpmates had a mini surprise for me in the comp lab coz i had to spend my bday doing proj. hahaha the thought of proj was SO depressing. BUT THEY ARE SO SWEET OMG...had a virtual banner of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOY!!!!!" over 3 adjacent comps and they laid out my name with CHEEZELS MY FAVE on the table tgt with APPLE PIE FROM CAFE XPRESS. hahahah I AM SO HAPPY GOD BLESSED ME WITH SUCH SWEET FRIENDS FROM UNI!!

going off to church sooon. so blessed my bro is picking me up from SCHOOOL!!! whee. im gonna spend my birthday with my family of God =))

and im suppering with jx at nitee!! double wheeees!=D

pictures later! =D

Psalm 139 on me today!

2007-11-09T09:06:00.000+08:00

This morning's verse from God that He prompted me to share with everyone in the House of God (:

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you i lift up my soul." -Psalm 143:8

As i look back on the 19 years of my life, which He has carefully and wonderfully had it all planned out, i praise God for His mercies, every single day. Nothing that happens to me, happens to me by chance..for everything has been engineered together for His great purpose-- to mould me into the woman He ultimately wants me to become.

YYAYY, im in the PROCESS OF REFINEMENT BY THE REFINER'S FIRE!

DORIS said this to me today: Those who joyfully leave everything in God's Hand will eventually see God's Hand in everything. Worry ends where Faith begins (:

yea. i am worrying about my future, but im not leaving in joyfully to God! so tts why i havent been having much confidence in each step i take along the way...God is my Lover and my Helper, He isnt a confuser..!

God, im waiting for YOU!!...speak to me, everyday of my life. (:

Thank YOU for making me, WONDERFULLY AND FEARFULLY, in my mother's womb 19 years ago...!

loveee, joyyy (: (:

CRAZY THINGS WE DO IN SCH

2007-11-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

we were supposed to look YELLOW, not black( =.= ) with the yellow bumblebeecar! hahahaha but nvm. i love this pic i look ultra skinnny on the right. MUAHAHAHAHAHA okay la yanting u look skinny too. hahahaha

banana falls. hahaah no. we didnt step on banana skin. we didnt get sunburnt! didnt peel.

stupid things we do..HAHAHAH. I LOVE YANTING. we go crazy together hahahahaha. B1! ARE U READY TOO!?

passing on the blessing

2007-11-01T08:45:00.000+08:00

i received kh's prayer letter today. His email once again reminded me of how a simple email brought me back to Christ( the whole story of how i backslided so terribly, then procrastinating for 2 yrs away from church, then receiving email from kh to help out in socialwork agency which is amazing tt i bothered to chk my mail coz i seldom do in the past, then realising i was the only one who responded then, then realising MANY of my cell members were also helping out already, then coming back to church out of paisehness, then coz of kh gg for fuel camp, then became REIGNITED FOR GOD thru fuel camp, and the rest is already history but it all helped to shape who i am today and now :) )

so much for the story.

haha, so longwinded. but i really wanna thank kh for his timely email, for remembering tt i actually exist although i MIA for so long, because it was the simple act of including me in his mailing list that sparked the series of me turning back to christ, baptism, and MANY MANY MORE. in turn, i was given the vast opportunity to touch lives because of kh. (yup, of coz, these are ALL part of God's will :) )

i was blessed by kh, to be a blessing to many others. how very true.

pass the blessings on, guys. whoever has blessed u in ur life, in even the smallest ways, pass the blessing on.. =)

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

relieved (: finally..

2007-10-30T23:43:00.000+08:00

ahhhh THANK U LORD (:

i had an amazing session with rachel,eeli,crystal & unclevic today!...shared my deepest, darkest.

and i feel so relieved.

Your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.

Other people will find healing in your wounds, tt's why we are emboldened to share, because Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness..

i have never been able to share so openly abt it. i dont kno what they felt abt it, but i definitely felt so ministered myself while i was talking. God was saying to me, release your burdens and u will be healed.

God helped me release today, i feel so RELIEVED. no more hiding and covering, im just who u have seen me to be today..

i dont deny i was an insecure person. But i no longer will be, becoz i have Christ =)

every being finds it's purpose and hopes in life in HIM ! (: (:

JOYYYYY (:

The Wedding Day

2007-10-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my sis's BIG DAY. haha finally after 25 yrs she's gonna be called a non-Ng. was tearing the night before, but im glad for her still! She has a very very loving husband. yay! (: okay im super tired. let the photos do the talking..!

yes, we woke up this early for the preparation..

The BRIDE and I! (:

Pretty Bed decor in Rasa Sentosa Deluxe Suite for the Newly-weds. omg, the room was GORGEOUS LA. super envious!

Mom & Dad: The most impt pple in my life.

Family Photo. Now one less..OKAY. haha we shld view it as one MORE now actually (:

Theeee Couple !

The nuptial cup. WAH. Totally make me feel like getting married TOO.

randomness. hahaha trying desperately to capture a pretty shot so we can both BLOGIT. hahahahahahah

The 3 of us (:

we have all grown up...

***
I love u jie! took me lotsa courage to write that letter to u...! (:

the Love tt is so undeserving...

2007-10-23T10:21:00.000+08:00

"Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, mainting love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." -exodus 34: 5-7

Hmm, i was reading this part in my QT this morning..finished reading the entire of deuteronomy and i was very scared once again by God as i was reading it. He seemed so strict, so fierce, so unmerciful..

But then i went back to read thru it again.

It's not that he is a unmerciful and fierce God..but he has all along been a very fatherly figure to His children. But time and again they disobeyed him and grumbled and went their own ways, castign their idols instead of worshipping God and repeatedly not repent of their guilt. So His wrath of fire burned against them and they were punished..

and look at us now. we are a thousand times worse than the israelites. we sin every single day, at almost every single moment our thoughts arnt exactly pure and clean. And God knows perfectly well this is our humane weakness, and we can never be as pure and righteous as Himself. God is GOD eh. He hates sin and sin is detestable in His sight! but wad to do? He loves us so much. So much so that he MUST find a way to redeem us and not have us be burned by His wrath. Coz although He is a loving father, he is also a just God who is judge over every right and wrong. He cannot let sin go unpunished.

Although He hates sin, but He loves the sinner. which is me. u. everyone else.

And the solution is Christ. Who came to die in our stead so we dont have to die the kind of horrible death in hell >.< it would be unimaginable...

after all these thoughts, i was really humbled. coz i know im not deserving of all these love. God loved us while we were still sinners, so much so He sacrificed His own son to die in our stead. He sent Jesus to die. Literally.

im in awe once again..
hahs. who deserves such a great love from God?...

Heart-breaking Lyrics

2007-10-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

I see the king of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

break my heart for what breaks Yours

2007-10-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

As i hear HOSANNA (hillsongs) once again, i felt so stirred up within.
Here i am, freaking out for my HR QUIZ, and there out in the entire world there are millions of unsaved souls. wad am i thinking about?!?

quizzes seem so unimpt and...insignificant now. yea, it's impt to study. but it's not my life, and i shldnt 'waste' my life on it. not tt im wasting my time, no; it's just that there are so much more impt things in life tt i shld be concerned abt like the salvation of pple who are close to my heart, that being stressed about studying and doing wel now seems secondary.

nevertheless, it isnt an excuse to slack. no, i dont slack. i still do my best coz tts what i am supposed to do: to fulfil my role as a student as God has appointed me in this season of time.

but still, i am reminded once again, not to lose sight of living for eternity.

there are much more things in life tt breaks my Father's heart, which i must learn to let Him break mine also.

everything I am, for His kingdom's cause...

***
love, joyy (:

study-BREAK-

2007-10-15T18:04:00.000+08:00

WOAHHHH im in school using the comp to blog finally i dun feel so MUGGERISH. ahhahahaha i am COOL. =D
ahahahs have been mugging with pris the past 4 hours and i feel like dying alr. SMSING KEPT ME ALIVEEE pheew =p

we're going on a trip this sunday and i'm praying for GOOD FELLOWSHIP AND LOVEEEE =)

ytd had an exciting sharing with zk about the many many things tt God has revealed to both of us and i was deeply amazed..

reading exodus at that time was definitely no coincidences, as my aircon leaked like it was raining i was reminded of His promises. woOo, NTU'S GONNA HAVE A REVIVAL OKAY. !!! =) =)

going to have dinner with beloved GALLEON! later muahaha subway. KK SAID IVE BECOME THINNER OMG I WAS SUPERRRRR HAPPPPY. hahahah and JAS AND YU GO OUT BO JIO. TSKKKK. raising my eyebrowwww >.< HURMPH.

hahahas, 2 more weeks to my freedom in FOOOOOOD. hahaha i cant wait! going with ruth on a BUFFET SPREE in nov to celebrate my bday! coz we're both dieting for wedding dinners. ahahah I LOVE THAT GIRL! her friendship is a very great encouragement to me, tt God can enable me to touch the lives of my youths =)

alright. im starting to blog like yu. ahah. INCOHERENT.

idealism is a mark of immaturity. Recognize the flaws, and work to close that gap. Pray for that gap to shrink.

Prayer is the first solution. Not a desperate measure.

BACK TO PRIS!

joyyy =)

just a reminder (:

2007-10-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

Personal Goal: [Specific; Measureable; Achievable; Realistic; Timeline]

Have a purposeful retreat--> By the end of November make a decision about ministry in COOS
- Realise and list my Passions
- Identify SHAPE (reflect and ask around pple whom i’m close to and who has seen me work)
- Pray for confirmation from God

my breezy week. Thankfulness! (:

2007-10-11T21:04:00.000+08:00

MY CRAMPS TODAY WERE CRAZZYYY!!! i thought i was relieved from it forever eh. haiz.

after doing the stuff at jo's hse today i wanted to pia to sch alr!! but the pain got more n more unbearable i really wanted to just PROSTRATE on the train can...*SCREAMS*

reached jp and i shared a cab with this NIE girl ahahah thank God she was so nice to send me home first though she was late (i had to tlel her my whole cramping story from toapayoh before tt =p ) hahahas yea lo.

then i was paralyzed in bed for the next 6hrs the pain was MADNESS i tell u! i literally cried out to God like how david did when he was in the cave. hahahaha come to think of it it was funny. but that 6 hrs was mere torture. i think it was only a glimpse of what hell would be like lo, so scary! >.<

which means, i missed ALL my lects today! wah this week is super WHAT can. like so...WHAT! hahahaha like holidaying thru this entire week, never do much work at home and in school too!

i should buckup sooon. ahahah and START REVISING. haahah for EOY exams? HAHA. okay call me scary. =p

just saw a neoprint taken on my bday last yr with jassy denise yu cu and jx.
aiyoh. i miss those girls. haha AND IM SO HAPPY YU IS WITH ME IN NTU! hahahaha bestymissyfishy =)

pretty cy says she free next week! YAYY. MEANS I CAN SEE HER AFTER A GAZILLION YEARS. FINALLLLY!! hahaha i think her mia-ness now is like my mia-ness when i was in njcanoeing. =p

okay, time to wash myself and START A BIT OF CATCHING UP! (:
GOD IS MY STRENGTH !
loveee, joy!!

love

2007-10-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

Ytd during the intercession for me, Pastor Gerald prayed an increase in capacity in my heart for the Holy Spirit...in my heart i was praying for a increased capacity of God's love, so that i can love others even more.

and this was today's devotional application, how timely (=

· Love language – Make a list of people you love and pray through it, asking God to show you what you can do that will speak love to each person.

· Take initiative – When someone is in crisis, we genuinely want to help, and we’ll say, “If there’s anything I can do, please, just let me know.” Start changing that to express a concrete form of love: “I’m going to do this for you.” Maybe you offer to bring over a meal or watch the children. Perhaps you offer to cut the grass. Maybe you bring a roll of quarters to the hospital so the family can grab snacks and drinks from the vending machine. Be creative – and let the Holy Spirit guide.

· Fake it ‘til you make it – C.S. Lewis said, if you don’t love someone, then act like you do. Eventually the feelings will catch up with your actions.

· Pray – Be still and ask God to show you someone you know who is in need, and ask him how you should help your friend. Seek God about the timing of your help. Ask him to use your act of service to make his presence known to your friend.

***
As many have said, and i've come to realise, praying is still of utmost importance. It reduces tendency to speak and act of the flesh, and increases tendency to rely on God to speak and to will in me to act.

In front of me is a list of people that i know i should care about, and i see their names each day i sit at my study table. Pray for them, my Lord says (: and this is how u will start to love them...

supernatural worship tonite (:

2007-10-11T01:17:00.000+08:00

worship nite today was...my goodness. God showed me and gave me everything..for His good purposes.

okay, lets start with how much i didnt wanna go for it earlier on. i dont know why, but i really didnt feel comfortable going plus all the bad things tt happened past few days and today, i just wanted to avoid church. but God kept nudging me thruout the day to go, to have faith and just go, and He will move the mountains in my life. and thanks to zk who made sure i went, hahahas yea really thank him a lot!

so i went, and even before worship started. when pastor gerald talked, i already started tearing i didnt know why my heart was just crumbling..

what was more amazing was, i actually responded to the altar call! the past 2 services i held back coz i was afraid to go. i was afraid of so many things...judgement, condemnation, worthlessness, guilt, everything. but i told God, the next time. the next time there is one, i would God. and thankfully, God knew where my level was, so the next altar call came right today, with a smalller congregation and when i was already in front. so i stood there and God ministered to me as many sisters whom i dont know came to pray for me.

so many, so many of them came to pray for me and they all said the same thing--
"God loves u. Father loves u. You are not unworthy. You need to release what u are afraid of and let it go to God. You feel misunderstood, but God still loves u for who u are and u are still precious to him no matter what. Let go. Father loves u. Empty urself and let the Holy Spirit take over and then u can impact people thru ur voice ... "

and then, i was..slained?
i just fell backwards and laid there for as lng as i could rmb...and the music. the music then [i cld sing of Yr love forever, shout to the Lord] began drawing out all the dirty, rubbish, bad stuff out of me. it was like, sucking everything out of my soul and throwing them onto the stage, like throwing the God. and i felt so cleansed, so light, so unburdened!!! omgosh..it was so amazing.

really showed me how impt the worship team was in EVERY service, EVERY gathering. becoz God can heal thru WORSHIP tt is Spirit-led!! I could hear every single instruments, voices, rhythm, emotion, words, everything! and all these made my soul light. My yoke became so light and i knew God was healing me internally..emotionally. =)

the importance of worship.

and then during the whole time, i had the vision of a small person standing on a huge palm on one of my hand, and a cross & heart on my other hand..and there was this grp of painters who were doign paintings at the side of the audi while we were woshipping thruout the svc. at the end of everything i went to look at wad they painted, and OH MY GDNESS, THEY PAINTED THE SAME VISION THAT I HAD!! PRAISE GODDDD TT WAS SO AMAZINGGG!!!!!!!!!!

i always thought my visions were very weird and senseless and were 'my own thoughts and imaginations'. but today, God proved me WRONG!!

im so happy...

1: all the times i spent telling myself tt i am broken, i have a contrite heart, i am unworthy, i am weak, all these self-rebuke were all lies from the devil.
That definitely isnt true humility but self-condemnation, which made me feel so worthless before God. that was exactly wad the sisters prayed against!

2: all the doubts about my calling, the Holy calling to serve in God's house has never been clearer- to serve God with my voice that He can use supernaturally for miracles and healing. i experienced the power of voices and music today myself. and it was the best way God revealed to me what ive been seeking, by letting me be the one who experience it..my God is SO GOOOOD!!! =)

3: all the times i felt misunderstood in the worship ministry and by my family, God told me it isnt true and it isnt impt. becoz it is who i am in Him tt is impt, not who i am in Man's eyes...my gdness. it was really a comfort from Daddy...that He loves me and doesnt condemn me no matter what. He noes, and tt is enuff. He noes my heart, and tts all i shld ask for. =) and be contented with God's love and His love aloneee!! yay, JESUS ROCKS.

HE HEALED ME SUPERNATURALLY TONITE!!!!

listen?

2007-10-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

can someone listen to me >.<

God searched my heart and tested my anxious thoughts. He knows full well what i am thinking, and i know it too. But admitting it to people is hard. Who likes to faces judgement?

At times when i had hoped i was back at Newcreation where no one knows me, and only God knows, where i can focus fully on God and not on myself...i come back to reality becoz Coos is my family. I have formed family there and ...i should learn to build trust there.

I have realised many things about myself recently..that i yearn for a contrite heart but yet i dont have it. i have a very conceited heart instead, which is something that i have constantly been struggling eversince God brought me back to church. I think this is reality, a real character flaw where God is shining the spotlight on.

SO that His grace can abound in me.

i am quite sick of my constant struggle with pride and leadership.
i am not called to lead, i am called to serve. i think i must get this right with myself.

a contrite heart He will not despise.

being quite random here coz my thoughts are all over the place.. i need an outlet to confess but i am afraid of judgement. but it's unbearble to keep it within myself, so, God, can u take it away from me? i am really very tired.

every step i take now, i fear i am taking a wrong step.
every thing i take up now, i fear of overcommittment.
every thought i have now, i doubt tt it's for good.

everyone says JOY, U ARE THINKING TOO MUCH. but am i, really? i think i am just reflecting on my thoughts. those are anxious thoughts, i am sure, because they make me scared.

i realise i am a very scary person with funny thoughts.
why am i so afraid of turning down opportunities? Surely God provides more than enough of it. Is my God really that small and limited to my choices in life. No..

Search me, O God, and know my anxious heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.psalm 139

God i know u are telling me something, could u reveal more to me?
i am not emo-ing, i reject that in Jesus' Name..

i just want to take captive those anxious thoughts and turn it to Christ, but i am trying. still trying...

can someone listen to me.

wisdom -- God-breathed

2007-10-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

first of all, check urself that u r praying for them..at least every week
really praying desperately..

if u want to see things change..meeting pple won't help
praying desperately can..

so b4 u go meet them..pray that God will use you..build relationships..probe deeper..pray with them..
u build a mini-cell community..
as community that desires to be a difference

haha..but then good news is that all these can be changed..
if there is one who is willing to surrender
but know that to be the one, u must go thru very hard times, sometimes depressing times..
cos God can only use a broken vessel..
someone who will give Him all the glory when things improve
cos this person would not claim any glory from his/her skills or knowledge
***

words of wisdom from a Man Of God.
given in a 10min msn convo.

reflect.

joyyyy

my bro and siss!!

2007-10-08T10:21:00.000+08:00

oh my.

i was reading purposedriven life, and i suddenly realise that everyone in church are my REAL BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
i know everyone says tt, and it's so cliche. but can u IMAGINE. the sis tt u tok to everyday at home, sleep with, dine with and LIVE WITH, your church "friends" are also going to be like them IN FUTURE!!

brothers and sisters in church are the people we are going to live with in our future Home, and we're gonna share our lives with each other!! there's no difference between everyone, becoz everyone is your FAMILY MEMBER.

hah i dont know, i just feel Spoken to..very deeply: Whenever you feel unimportant, unloved, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.(Rick Warren)

HEALING!

2007-10-08T09:49:00.000+08:00

goood morning world =)

i just went for a run..only 10min! and i almost fainted. blackedout =/
so scary, could feel the world swirling around me, so i sat outside my hse for a while before going in...didnt wanna my dad be shocked by a whitefaced ghost >.<

gah, the flu's getting to me and im NOT recovering! hahhhh duh coz i nvr seen a doc/taken any med. but i really do not like med. pray tt i ll recover by AFTERNOON!! so that i can go row boat with the girls =/ i feel bad pangsehingg

alrites. im just scared i ll literally faint n die on the spot later at macr eh. like the poor ocs officer who juz left suddenly like tt..gah..

for the broken, contrite and humble heart...

2007-10-07T21:27:00.001+08:00

Just as i was feeling so so so down, aunty Serena sent me a very very timely msged that really touched me. I felt so small, so underused, so insignificant, and so out, so lost.

And this was wad she said in reply:

"Praise the Lord. God loves u so much u mean a lot 2 Him n urkidz. Never undermine the little things that u do.. God exalts the humble.. A broken n contrite heart He will not despise. Read Isa 66:1-2. Love u. May God dwell deeply n intimately in n with u that He is at rest 2 share u His heart's desire."

Isaiah 66:1-2 This is what the Lord says: "Heaven is my throne and the earth is my footstool. Where is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be? Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the Lord. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word."

God sends angels to comfort those in need..

joyyy

WISDOM! and How God Speaks

2007-10-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

heyOos! hahaha wowww. so many things have happened since my dad and mum came back from jap! The next afternoon they were cooking lunch tgt. its the FIRST TIME CAN!!! im sooo happpyyy =D =D GOD IS SO AMAZING. then during the trip, my mom couldnt go into hotsprings tgt w my other relatives (who also went to jap tgt) coz of some inconvenience, so my dad had to end up staying in the hotel to accompany my mom. THANK U FATHERRR AHAHAH U ARE SO AMAZING! u send inconveniences at JUST THE RIGHT TIMES MAN!! U ROCKKK =D =D

***

wad else..hmm, oh yeaaa, GOD SENT ME AN ANGEL to protect me thru the dark alleys on my way home!!!! it's really "Though i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and staff, they comfort me". Tt angel in white clothes walked with me all the way, till we splitted up and i turned around and he was goneee!! and he was so shuai summore. HAHA...okay i noe tts not the pt, but when God gives, HE GIVES U MORE THAN U EXPECT! =) so expect GREAT things from a GREAT GOD! he is never stingy with His blessings!

***

anddd, i wanna thank God for guiding me thru all my midterm papers. hahas, im really thankful He took away ALL my stress and stifled-ness of studying which ive always felt in the past 12 yrs of serious education. it's really amazing how He helped me plan my time, give me motivation to study consistently and the interest and passion to sustain me in uni days..hhahas, it's like a breakthru in studies for me coz i nvr really did enjoy STUDYGIN so much until i came to uni. it's like, it's true! it's studying for KNOWLEDGE, not THE KNOWLEDGE(FOR EXAM-SAKE). it makes a whole HEAVEN of difference!!

oh. and the past week God totally blew me off with His revelation: "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

it was SO TRUE.
1: Last week uncle vic was just sharing with us abt how everyone of us could be intelligent and smart, filled with wisdom. just as long as we asked for it. yah, it sounds so cliche, i thought so too ..a bit la. so yea, everything went on as per normal.

2: Few days after, i read a book where the story of Solomon's wisdom was told of. (chopping the baby into 2 halves to find out who the real mother of the baby was). yupppe, so it kinda stayed with me coz it was on wisdom as well.

3: during the weekends, i was pia-ing a research paper at the last hours from 10pm-7am coz i had to hand it in the next day!!! around 3-4am i was very pekchek alr coz i had to come up with a new hypothesis and research question altgt. oh my. it was a super unearthly time and i read psych journals till headache alr...so i looked up and saw this verse on my wall "FOR NTH IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD-LUKE 1:37" so i just prayed for wisdom, and the next instant, I CAME UP WITH A NEW IDEA FOR RESEARCH QN AND HYPOTHESIS LIKE FINALLY! AND BLAH BLAH, then my whole essay was DONE SHORTLY AFTER. omgoodness, i was totally blown away and was just staring into space after tt. its really DAMN AMAZING. FASTER THAN COOKING MAGGIE MEE CAN.

4: was studying for hp102 (a module i really cant bring myself to like a lot, but now it feels much better tt tests are over ahhaha). then vania suddenly asked me a very random qn. yahhh it was a valid qn coz most of us didnt understand or bothered to find out about it coz we were lazzzy. it was juz a fuzzy idea in our heads. so when she asked me, i dont know why i HAD to explain to her (maybe it was an ego prob...gah) hahaha then i flipped tb, search internet, but she couldnt understand still!! so i was SO DESPERATE, i said another quick prayer for WISDOM FROM GOD. and like MAGGIE MEE INSTANT NOODLES, THE EXPLANATION AND EXAMPLES ALL CAME FLOWING OUT OF ME LIKE DUNO WAD?!?!! OMG, they were original examples and my own-worded explanation tt i never even knew i could giveeee!!! WHO ELSE CAN IT BE BUT FROM GODDDD...hahahaha wah. oh my tian. it was so amazing it left me in shock for a few minutes. COZ SHE SAID SHE FINALLY UNDERSTOOOD CAN?!?!!? GOD IS HOW AMAZING!?!

5: few days later at HW101 TUTORIAL, omg, the lesson was based on ECCLESIATES from the BIBLEEE! hahaha and guess WAD. my tutor told us the SAME STORY OF SOLOMON'S WISDOM ABOUT THE CHOPPING UP OF THE BABY. wah, i totally STUNNNED. i mean, out of a whole heaven and earth of Literature, ECCLESIASTES FROM BIBLE ABOUT WISDOM WAS CHOSEN. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanted to faint on the spot.

6: in the afternoon i msged gim to tell him about all these, after i sent the msg, another msg from jas came in. she asked about WISDOM. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. can u imagine the state of shock i was in.

put EVERYTHINGGGGG TGT, I KINDA FIGURED OUT WAD GOD HAS BEEN TRYING TO TELL ME. all the weeks where i felt studying was meaningless, He let me go thru a week of understanding was WISDOM is all about...!

***
hahahaha okay i need to take a rest now...tts all for today!
GOD IS HAPPENING! =D

loveee lots, JOY!! (: (:

2007-09-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

God gave me a sudden inspiration an hour ago, here it is! (:

Everyday

Everyday, we see You face to face
We strive, we fall, You pick us up

When it seems, everything’s too hard to bear
You’re there, for us, You’ll never fail

Oh Lord, You’re the answer to our sorrows
You’re the Healer when we’re broken
It’s You, You mend the wounds

Oh Lord, You took all my guilt and shame
You bore all of them in pain
We knew, You love us so

And now, we come into Your presence
Oh Lord Jesus, receive us
We need You Lord

mum and Dad

2007-09-20T10:21:00.000+08:00

i just talked to my dad..we both teared as i related and as he listened.
Ytd i sent a msg to my mom abt her rxnship with Dad..i dont know how much it ministered to her but God gave me the words in the msg and i believe God can do the mending..

Prayed with dad after that and the holy spirit touched His heart once again as He teared even more. It's the first time daddy teared outrightly before me, unafraid of letting me see it, putting aside His ego.

Before me i simply saw a man who was broken and accepting, and wanting to love, and helpless, and in need of help..no longer a dad who puts up a strong front.

2 days ago i saw a broken mummy who has been withhelding her tears for goodness no one knows how long. i also saw a mum who need help, and wanting to BE loved..

how? in a span of 3 days i see a midlife crisis. God gave me to be the one to minister to them, thru myself God speaks. not my elder sisters, but me. I wont be stressed because it is God who wills and acts in me, and i will not be afraid so long as i know He's got my back. He will tell me words to say.

I really love them...God i pray that nth will happen to them.

Thank u Lord, i know in all things, You are sovereign. You are in control. You take charge..

joyy..

Christianity & Psychology...

2007-09-16T23:42:00.000+08:00

oh gosh...i am so..WOAH by what im studying. ahahhas Contrary to popular belief that Psychology(which emphasizes on scientific explanation of human behavior, being more of humanistic and leaving out the spiritual aspect of Humankind) is contradictory to Christianity, the Word has actually provided TRUTHS to some of the Psychology Theories that im studying!

1. "What you do is dependent upon what u expect to do; what u see is dependent upon what u expect to see." (psych theory)

"for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." Phil 2:13 (Truths from the Bible)

"expect to do" versus "will"; "what u do" versus "act" ---> and it is from God who works in u

2. "Top-down processing= use of preexisting knowledge to organize individual features into a unified whole" ; "Bottom-up processing = analysis of smaller features and building up to a complete perception......In this case, there is no expectancy to help organize the percepton, making bottom-up processing more difficult in some respects."

Knowing what the Creator created u for gives u your purpose in life.That is top-down processing, where the top = our Creator. However, too many of us fall into the trap of centering in on ourselves, putting ourselves as center stage(what i want for myself, what i must enjoy doing, what i think i SHOULD do...etc) in order to find out what is our very main purpose for living on this earth. If u begin finding the answer of ur life purpose by beginning with yourself, u will never get the complete and accurate perception thru this "bottom-up processing". Because u are created for a VERY purpose, which only ur Creator knows. If you dont ask the inventor of the stapler what the stapler is for, would u know the full function of it?

Start to ask on the right track.

being a blessing is a daytoday thing, not a bytheway thing (:

2007-09-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

oh mans! today was so cool. hahas
i was doin QT at the benches today...some ulu benches. it was really pouring and the trees were swaying and everything was just so beautiful.
then when i ended the QT session, suddenly felt God telling me to "just do it. do something." hahs and was like hUH DO WAD?!
so i looked around and OH MAN, i saw this girl studying..arh. so i thought, alright. it's to share with her! but i was quite afraid..coz yea. afraid of rejection and stuff. like..if i were to do stE at least i wouldnt see them anymore. but if i were to do it in school then oh man i might still see her around in sch and wad if she shuns me! like a million thoughts gg thru my mind, i just didnt wanna do it!

yea so i hurry up packed up my stuff and walked away...but i felt so compelled by God to really do it. like He said "If u cant be faithful in the small things, how do I entrust u with the great ones?"

so alright..i walked back..and spontaneously came up with some survey thingy to ask her. was quite a desperate measure coz i really didnt know how to start!

and guess wad. as we conversed, it turned out tt she is actually also a Christian!
oh gosh. i was so AMAZED and THANKFUL.

u know many times, God just wants to see your faith with deeds. coz faith without deeds is nth?...and yea...He gave me a real easy start today...coz it's my first time doing such things in schoool..yup. and it was really an encouraging start, coz God was in control! =) =) So i just prayed for her, talked a bit, and left...=)

hahahas, it was so thrilling tt i just had to share with everyone! like how God can amazingly use us to touch pple unknowingly...who knows she was so stressed up with work and just prayed for comfort..and all of a sudden comes this girl who like prays for her and with her...i think she wld have been so shocked.
but anyways, it's nvr too bad to be a blessing to people! hahas..yupp..=)

joyyy

2007-09-13T21:50:00.000+08:00

yayness! biochem midterms are OVER! i was kinda not-uptight about it till i was in the exam hall itself coz then i realised OMG it's the first exam in NTU!!..hahaas...happened to be quite chui. but it's alright! im still happy coz i did study for it, and only have myself to blame for not checking edventure EARLIER coz all the tuts answers are posted and like HALF of them were answers to the exam itself=/

hahah but it's okay...God is good to me, letting me rmb everything(ok..almost=p) tt i ve studied. Praying before papers really helps a lotttt, like since jc..yayy (: now...shall gauge whether im studying smart enough coz studying hard is so NOT ENOUGH!..

went for welcome tea for sportsclubsubcomm publications..hahas looked thru the calendar of events and appear to be not really busy. happy happy, im not gonna be sooo absorbed in school anymore. and at the same time, STRIKE THE BALANCE! (: agreed to join the canoe girls for river regatta and im really excited! tt would mean i dun haf to take out so much time to run on my own anymoreee ahahah the canoeing trg once per week can replace them. YAY!!..and i can get to row with them ALL OVER AGAIN! im glad =D

anddd, got to lunch with liyana todayy! hahaha i love talking to her. makes me reflect a lot about our lives...today's topic was PURPOSE of our lives. hahaha sounds so profound right. =p but it's really a thought-provoking one...a different league from 'senseless catchup'. hahaha was time well-spent! and i thank God for that =D hahahas friends rocks. sometimes, we gotta really take the effort to msg/sms/call the people who are dear to us just to let them noe we care? and of coz make the effort to MEETUP. wads a more precious gift to give than a gift of your own time? at least tt shows tt they mean sth to u, yea? hahah and of coz there are pple who busy...and they r forgiven la. hahaha though i m so super free now, so many "God time" and "study time", i understand how busy pple feel. hahas, it's not tt they cant be bothered to meetup...sometimes they are so busy when they have time on theyre own, they rather have it as their OWN TIME! hahaha ok, im talking in circles now...ah.

alrighttts, i shall go ram the tuts now! i love psych =D

joyyyy

2007-09-13T10:12:00.000+08:00

i was struggling whether to set this blog public.
i didnt want to, coz i feared judgment of pple coz of my senseless ranting..
up till now of coz there are posts which i kept pte, coz i think i havent overcome tt barrier of sharing my 'darkest secrets'(haha) with the whole world yet, yea..im not perfect and i dont have a perfect life.

but i just hope tt thru whatever tt is seen, and not unseen, God may be glorified. of coz, He is STILL glorified in the 'unseen'..but that's b/n God and myself..which i will have to learn to reconcile..

but till then, when im ready to be fully naked before everyone, this is it.

God has been good to me, with many personal encounters with Him, and i hope these encourages all who sees them (:

God is GOOD!...all the time.

love, joyy

family..

2007-09-13T09:44:00.000+08:00

Dad, me, jasjiejie, mummy, jinnyjiejie (: No matter how busy we are, we try to make time to be together as a family so sit together, eat together, and laugh together, and just being with each other. You are my pillar of support each time i go home weary. Mummy and daddy puts a smile on their faces so i can smile too. (*:

My beloved friends. dont know what i would do without u all, coz u all are my strongest support grp of friends throughout my 19 years of life...no words, really, can express how much i love u all even though i always say it, i really mean and i treasure each one of u...really do, u noe? ((:
ahh. my long time besterest friend..though many unhappy things have happened, i noe deep down we still love and care for each other. u are my best friend, jx =) thank u for always taking care of me, and being there for me no matter how shitty u might be feeling too, i am still seemingly ur priority..and i never took tt for granted. i love u friend!! and here, my mission team..my first ever team overseas on mission work.

u all have shown me wad is it like to have a close-knitted family in christ, and i thank u all for that. to me, this is family. (:

***

RP class today wants us to bring photos that reminds us of "FAMILY". And I'm going to bring these photos to class =)

They are my family.

Thank You Lord...

2007-08-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

2007/08/22

The ‘Risk’ of Obedienceby Mark Kelly
Over the past few years, Mark Kelly has been graciously working behind the scenes to edit these devotionals, keeping them consistent and clear. Today, we offer a devotional from him. – jw
“[Abraham] was trusting God so much that he was willing to do whatever God told him to do. His faith was made complete by what he did – by his actions.” (James 2:22 NLT)

To many Christians, “faith” means sincerely believing something is true when you don’t have any evidence. In fact, faith is acting on what you know full well is true: God is able to keep his promise and can be trusted to do it. Faith that is only theoretical conviction isn’t faith yet. Real faith – living faith, saving faith – does something about it.

God had promised Abraham that Isaac would be the father of an entire nation. When the Lord commanded him to sacrifice his only son, faith wasn’t some abstract issue of believing without evidence. Faith meant taking the risk of obedience – frightening as it was – because Abraham knew God could keep the promise even if Isaac died. Raising a son from the dead is right down God’s alley!

The life of faith is a life of taking risks that aren’t actually risky. When God puts a challenge before you – even one that seems crazy to your human nature – you can step out in confidence because you know God is able and faithful. When your faith and actions are working together, then your faith will be made complete.

Prayer: “Lord, what you want from us is exciting – and a little frightening too. It would be a lot easier to just stay with our ‘business as usual’ lives, but you have something seriously amazing in store for us if we will match our beliefs with obedience. Please strengthen our confidence in your power and trustworthiness, and grant us the courage to step out in faith when you give us opportunities to prove how much we really trust you.”

Point to ponder: The life of faith is a life of taking risks that aren’t actually risky.

***
The Daily Bread - today.

"...Sometimes we find ourselves struggling with a decision or situation that threatens to cripple our capacity for effective service to our King. Its at those critical junctures that we can make a 'tipping point' decision to turn things around. The decision? Surrender your heart and will to God. James 4:7 says,"Submut to God," and Romans 12:1 tells us,"Present your bodies as a living sacrfice, holy, acceptable to God." Be willing to sacrifice your agenda for His greater purposes.....Surrender is the tipping point. When we make that choice, God can use us to do great things for Him."

***
I was bathing in the shower just now...when all these thoughts came to me:

My Covenant made with God during the Mission Trip Chengdu retreat. " I am now making a covenant with God that I will not get myself caught in a relationship with any guys till end of this ear, 31st december 2007. In this period of time, i will not allow myself to get distracted by affairs of the heart. God will be my witness and helper whenever i'm tempted."

Then i thought abt why i made that committment to God- it's cause i didnt want to be distracted from doing His will and serving Him in any ways that i can possibly serve. i dont want to be thinking abt any other wordly desires so that i can fully surrender my will and heart to do His agenda for me this year. So i thought my greatest distraction is relationships, which was how this covenant came about. (Distraction from doing His work, not distraction from being WITH Him...which i have now realised i missed the point of it all.)

Now as school has started, what originally intended as a prayer group turned out to be-- CF, crusade, navigators, sports club, runners' club, ygos, urban kids ( and i believe the list would go on if not for the realisation tonite.) and reflecting upon the past weeks since school started, what has been distracting me was STILL guys in my school. Being super involved in every 'christian stuff' that any christian could be involved in hasnt make me any less distracted. i thought, even though i have been distracted by the boys, if i am still serving well, everything is fine! but apparently it isn't. because it isnt in the doing. i could do everything and fill up every single free space of my life, and still be distracted, FROM GOD. becoz i have totally missed the point from the start. i have been and still am focussed on doing His work, and not being with Him, abiding in Him, seeking Him everyday of my life. strive strive strive strive strive. i know God is pleased when i strive for Him, but i know He would be jumping with joy if i strive even more to just be with Him. i think God misses me. Just like how i keep doing hw, spending time with my frens, and hanging out with church people doing church things, my mum misses me as she sits at home in front of the tv.

so, now God is telling me loud and clear, that the covenant i made, or rather that He has convicted me to make, isn't about stopping myself from being distracted from doing his work, but instead to stop myself from being distracted from the Father himself. but this distraction will always be present as long as im piling myself with activity after activity.

yesterday's devotional was Matt 11:28-- "Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
today's devotional was James 4:7-- "Submit yourselves, then, to God.." Not submitting to the works i do for God. It;s submitting to God. Himself. (wow, this is a new revelation i just got as i am typing this right now.)

the past week as i have been praying about my direction and service in church, i have never gotten a clear answer. I kept hearing the word "abide in Me, and I will abide in u." WHATEVER DOES IT HAVE ANY RELATION TO MY SITUATION?...ive been thinking and thinking.
and then i had another word, "Seek first His kingdom, and all these will be added to u." what did "all these" meant?! i really didn't know.

and now, everything is quite clear to me. all these- are all my interest and passion of service in church. all these- are all my eagerness to serve in school. all these- are my passion for the lost youths out there who need God. all these-- will be added to me as i seek first His kingdom, and abide in Him. being.

im taking a break. i really want to. i had this wild though during practice last week. could i have a break from everything? and then marcus came on sat's psp and i realised he has been taking a break from ministry. and i thought to myself, how nice if i could do it too. just being away and simply living in God. learning more abt God each day. having my personal breakthrough as the spirit leads me to study His word. i have never done such a thing in my whole christian life. But this year, is my year of Firsts. If i want to experience something ive never experienced before, i have to do something ive never done before. and i really want to do it.

i dont know how, and im scared, honestly, of telling all these to my worship leaders and mentor. lynn, josh, and p jenn. i dont know wad their reaction will be. i dont even noe how im going to say it. im not even any big ant in the ministry, just some girl who joined for 5 months and decided that she needs to take time off her striving.

i really want to pray perserveringly for a spiritual breakthrough. i want God to take me deeper. i think ive had enough of my on-the-surface serving and serving and my on-the-surface chiongness. I know God has given me such a personality and enthusiasm for even greater things that He has in line for me. and im waiting to discover all that as He reveals to me.

now, i only want Him to reveal Himself to me.

i hope they understand.

this isnt a rash decision anymore. frm now on i am no longer going to be rash. that isnt Christ-likeness.

He has finally answered my prayer. Thank You Lord..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[edited, after reading thru this mail twice]
i think i am insecure. doing all the stuff, occupying myself, is all just to prove that "i love God and i am willing to spend time doing Your stuff." the mentality of, hey since i am spending a lot of time doing your work already, i am excused from spending time building a relationship with You! and also, to ensure tt my life is on the right track. mentality of, hey things cant really go wrong with my life if i am doing church stuff, afterall church stuff would edify me! my confidence has been built upon the works, not built upon the Rock. i guess tts why i find it hard to let go.

stickclosetoChristandillbealright

2007-08-06T10:36:00.000+08:00

hahaha i have no idea what's the previous post about leh =/ SO EMO.

***
okay, im starting school in half and hr's time, it's so shiok to live near school COZ I CAN WAKEUP LATE and take my own time to prep coz sch SO NEAR NEAR NEAR. hhahh...

okay, yt'd s QT material really spoke to me about how God stretches us beyond our comfort zone, so that at the end of the day we'll give Him all the Glory and Praise of how He never fails to bring us through our circumstances. i really thank God for giving me the desire to read His words and hear His encouragement ytd nite...if not today i;ll be in a really chui mood!

anddd, i shall organise and galleon lunch gathering oh man i miss their craziness..

anddd, i also need to meet up with yu cy and jas laaa. tonite?..hmms.

anddd, i wanna go stationery shopping!! so tt i can be excited for the start of a NEW school termmm...

i misss sec and jc spoonfeeding. in uni we have to discover everything ourselves...and thank God i check eduveNTUre and realised there's no tut, if not amanda would have gone to sch for nth!

alrites, off to change and prepare for school..

NTU NTU HERE I COME. U ARE MY NEW MISSION FIELD AND I SHALL CONQUER U! (:

stickclosetoChristandillbealright (: joyyy

friendship keeper?

2007-07-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

just came home today from the mission team retreat and yea, i am recharged indeed. by God.. made a covenant with God abt keeping myself single and undistracted from God till 31dec this year. i really wanna consecrate myself for You, because You love me so.

cant wait for mission trip to kick start, experiencing more of God..cant wait for ntu camp so that i can be away from everything and be with people whom i dont have to pour my hearts out to. it's very tiring to be broken each time...like how broken i became in front of kenny as i poured out my heart to him in the evening. i really love him a lot coz he really really encourages me with the word of God, felt tt his words and presence were really an annointing from God. though he cant help but chap me while i share with him stuff, i still thank God for such a gd brother who is always willing to spare time for me for Godly counsel... hahs..how many pple these days would willingly spare time for me and encourage me with the exact things i needed to hear but those who really seek God with all their heart, and willingly die to their own carnal desires which we all know is tough?... it's hard to find them..esp when we are all busy ppl in this city. the way he pats my head and tells me not to cry and not to worry is really heartwarming..

2 weeks away from this little corner of mine as i venture out into new grounds...haha wad can i say? in fact im glad to be away
from everyone around.

this is wad jas would call, wallowing in self pity haha. ah, get outta the rubbish i always like to put myself into, joy.

is my worth really based on the opinions of others, or only my Heavenly Father..gah i know the answer. but it's tough to live it out..

i was really happy at the retreat. i was so noisy, i was so myself, i was happy ALOUD...and i miss that feeling so much. tt feeling where i dont have to keep thinking if my presence made any difference coz i felt i did make a difference in small ways at the retreat.

it's really nt a nice feeling to feel that u dont really matter. haha. ok self pity..
joy, brace urself. it's time not to be so weak...though we should die to self but over-dying is bad.

im apprehensive in being a friendship keeper. am i up to it..?

i really dont know.

joy

2007-06-30T02:18:00.000+08:00

i went for ntu medical checkup today and met AMANDA CHUAA!!! oh my she's like my answered prayer!! coz she's gg ntu psych too and both of us were damn scared we would be all alone in school! so PRAISE GOD WE HAVE EACH OTHER AND WE WONT BE LONELY ANYMOREEEE yayyyyy

and i got to know 3 other pple - xue'er jingting and hongli...all of them are LIYANA'S FRIENDS FROM BPGH!!! SO COOL RITE...they are super funny pple laaa...crazey crazey too...!! bahahah we took super stupid photos in our xray clothes and everyone was like STARING at us mannn..hahaha oh and i saw ROWENA!!! she' going NBS too...! but yayy so happy to see familiar faces today!

and the nurses docs were all so friendly today im so HAPPY coz they make my day!

adventure camp & aftermath

2007-06-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

just got back home from camp comm dinner and debrief...oh man, i need to blog abt ADVENTURE CAMP!!

Adventure Camp (COOS)
I was in charge of games tgt with MARCUS CRYSTAL & YONGJIN! hahaha, this was a great team...marcus is funny n lame, crystal is task-oriented and no-nonsense, yongjin is very very willing to do things...really uber happy to work with them!

God spoke to me powerfully during the camp. He taught me how to rely on Him so greatly especially when EVERYTHING tt could go wrong went wrong right from the start of the camp...nitehunt was wrong, station games were overtime, wetgames was okay...icebreakers werent perfect...but overall he has taught me to trust in His plans and His ways to make things work out for the Good of those who LOVE HIM! i got to talk to this sec 3 girl NATALIE from MSG...omg i thot i cld nvr ever talk to mgs girls, but i was so wrong. nat is a very nice and thoughtful girl, and it was really heartwarming to talk to her coz she is a very sincere girl. and i was so glad i set aside time to talk to her...really. instead of running around place to place to do DUTIES, i actually set aside time to tok to her and understand her probs. i found that really fulfilling.. (:

also, i LED WORSHIP!! its like i had to change and memo song and THANK GDNESS marcus was helping me think thru songs and even wrote out the lyrics for me. seriously if he werent there i wld probably have felt so helpless and lost la...(: then the guitarist pastor marcus wong was really nice too, and as he prayed for me not to be reliant on him, God realy showed me how and why... halfway thru the first song his guitar string actually broke and i had to do sth on the spot to rescue the situation...truly it was GOD's way of showing me that HE has things under control and as long as we let Him take charge, He turns situations round for us...we just have to learn to surrender and give unto Him all the faith that we need..! (:

and i really like this camp comm coz EVERYONE was very sacrificial and willing and we were really TGT in this whole thing...no individualism...everyone was just so cooperative and caring for each other! really so glad and privileged that God has placed me in this camp comm! =D

aftermath...

still reminiscing of camp with the camp comm! WONDERFUL pple tt God has placed into my life (:

mission trip is gonna clash with FACULTY ORIENTATION CAMP!! gahhhh. first thot: IM NOT GONNA HAVE ANY FRENS ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOL. !!!! second thot: God will PROVIDE, even company and friends.. so do not fret and leave things up to Him. Do His work, and He will do His work in my life, for God works all things to be good for those who LOVE HIM..!! i shall do just tt (:

mom is sick!

2007-06-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

mom is sick todayyy!...so she took a sick leave...and as i was preparing to go out of hse to work Doris msged me to ask me stay home look after her coz "mommy more impt"...oh man. it was so timely...and so i did! cancelled ALL my appt to stay home with mom...hahas..

yayness! i prayed for mom and talked to her a lott abt my work and beliefs and struggles in my life rite now..
and she's RECOVERED!! yayyy..hahhas..

alrites..gtg now!!

2007-05-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

i fl so drained and tired. =(
met up with kranji students today and we practically walked the whole of bugis, nw i fl like dying! i wouldnt consider it a gd session since we didnt really have heart-to-heart talks, i was just trying to keep my mood up, by my own strength perhaps?...haiz. no wonder i had no strength, coz my own strength= 0 without God man.

hahs reading jas's blog makes me sad coz, bleah. i am reminded of how far i am sia. boos :(

my students explored my wallet today and stumbled across a neocard i took with jx. hahs, i didnt really mind. in fact, i still liked looking at the neocard. it looks so happy noe. really >.<

today's so boo. the mood was so boo in the office too!...coz everyone's really caught up in their own schedule..we forgot to pray before meeting started! tts why it ended up tt way sia...

got to meet up and follow up with more and more students as more schools are being taken up for prog...which means MORE PERSONALISED ATTENTION..which is what my job is for anyway. but still, it's gonna be emotionally dragginggg

friends n work!

2007-05-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

hahhas, been dargonboating the past few days...and have been wondering if God put me thru the 2 yrs in jc DB for just for these 2 days >.<
God simply blew us off again today!...showing us how he was totally in control la. he really held the clouds and skies and rain when we were db-ing, and brought out the sun as soon as we were done! he controlled the tides, was in-charge in the last min games...basically, He made everything up for good in the end!! All of us were like amazed at His hands for the past 2 days....a true personal encounter with OUR GOD! (:

I like having jon around! haha, he's a really gd friend and takes care of me! i like ppl who takes care of me. hahas:D and he's like-minded! at least he is willing to learn and willing to try...i guess tts what i truly like about him! and he's always so enthu, or at least, HE TRIES to be! i mean, better than not trying at all yeaaa....and i fl very happy whenever he goes for bible studies! yayy, very glad to see him GROWING SPIRITUALLY!! (: :

haiz. love the ppl at ygos so much. i really wonder how is it like to be without them. i confirm confirm confirm plus chop will come back and help them laaa, by hook or by crook, i must!!...thinking of being a psychotherapist, then come back and contribute back to ygos! if tt's God's plan for me, I LL BE UBER UBER HAPPY!!!...hahahas, or if otherwise...i duno. hahas, kinda excited actually...excited for how He is gonna use me mightily for His work! i think pysch brings endless possibilities man... =D

hmms, hope doris talks to liwen's parents soon. really treat her like my little sis, and i wanna share Christ's love with her! prays prays praysss

jas cy yu den! HOW ARE ALL OF U. hahaha, i fl super far from u all lehs. wonder how is it like when i meet up with u all altgt again! will i be silent? will i be me? will i be changed? hahahs...sometimes when i think of meeting up with u all, i fl super apprehensive...i duno if i wld fl umcomfortable? will i fl weird coz i duno wads been happening? haha,....i hope not man..really hope not. coz now we're all working and we alr dun haf time for each other...next time in our different schools we'll meet even more pple, will we even have time to think about each other?...hahaha oh mans. dreadful to even think of tt X( oh wells, must not leave it to chance! I LL ORGANISE A MEETUP SOOOOOON ENUFF. i must must! >.<

hahas alrites..time to go. im excited abt work tmr! i fl excited everyday...this is the kinda job i want sia. im lovin it! (: (: (:

joyyy!

daddy

2007-05-21T21:59:00.000+08:00

ytd nite, or rather this morning at 1am, was simply AWESOME

waited till around 1am when all my sis went to bed and mom also went to bed(she wasnt supposed to! she forgot abt our meeting-..-) so i was left with dad. then i started talking to him abt my life...
he commented that he didnt know wad was going on in my church life, and has always been thinking im going out to play and that church is not gd influence. apparently, all he wanted was just me to update him and mom what i have been doing all these while...they want to care for me, but thay dont know how to just because they duno wad is going on in my life! so as i shared, i teared...simply because i rmb those times when mom would scold me coz i go home late, but its simply coz i needed dinner before i go home, because i go for worship practices, because workplace is super far from home, because i dun haf a car LIKE BOTH OF MY SIS WHO HAVE CHAUFFEURS!! so its not right to compare my sis-es and i :( then i felt so awful as i shared tts why i started tearing, and dad came beside me and gave me a hug as he wiped my tears away, i cried even more..

i continued telling him how hard i am trying to be involved in church becoz of how left out i felt in the first yr, tts why i ponned church the whole of second yr, and now tt im back in the thried yr at coos, i just wanna do MORE to serve and contribute, get more friends and fellowship so tt i wun fall away or feel left out again....at this, he was quite stunned..i think my dad and mom would never believe i am sumone who actually knew the meaning of "left out"...they always thought im so outing, i would have tons of friends...so we just talked abt everything in my life...
YGOS, Church, Worship Min, friends, my new priorities in life....i just shared my life with him....

then he said he finally understood where i was coming from and told me he'll tell my mom all abt it the next day...and tt he is fully supportive of me!!

i asked him if i could pray for him before he leaves for bangkok and he said YES!! so i prayed for his safety...and i think he teared...i heard him sniffing...but i didnt open my eyes coz i dowwane embarrass him...im glad. im so happy. IM JUMPING FOR JOY!!! that God touched his heart!! coz dad said he wanna come to church one day to see all tt is happening in my life!! HE ASKED ME TO BRING HIM TO CHURCH!!!...OMGOOODNESS ISNT IT LIKE AWESOMEEE...i was jumping in my heart when he said tt!! :D:D:D

this morning he sent me a few msges:
"daddy fdback mom what we talked last nite. she fully understand. we support u we happy over yr new priority. Always keep mom n dad aware what u doing coz we care. cheers. china trip (MISSION TRIP!!!!:D:D) shld be ok. ok i going to check in now. Dad"

"joyy daddy n mummy also v happy. i willl remember to call u often to give u strength and thank u for praying for daddy"

I WAS SCREAMING FOR JOYYYYY...he thanked me for praying for him!! he rmb it!!! ahhhh

HOW GREAT IS OUR GODD?????
SING WITH ME, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?!!!

:D :D :D
joyyy!

priorities

2007-05-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

..alrights. today, dad talked to me...he said i didnt bother to update them about my life..tts why they dont know what i have been doing the whole time out of the house. mom, on a separate occasion, told me to prioritize my time properly, and not be involved in EVERYTHING. and i am SO going to listen to them okay..i dont want to go home late anymore. i want to be a child of God who pleases Him and in doing so, SHOULD please my parents too. but i havent even tried to please and honour my own parents..i didnt even try :( im sorry mama papa, sorry to make u all sad. and on both occasions when they talked to me, i teared...i felt so horrible. i have been such a horrible daughter to them!...whats wrong with me.. all my wrong priorities. the right priority:

1. God

2. Family

3. Work

4. Church/Friends

haiz. im setting all wrong priorities...putting my family like...LAST?...wads the casue of it?...am i trying to hard to feel belonged in God's family?...when in fact, I ALREADY BELONG!!...God, please help me change my mindset again. i know all thse has got to do with a mindset-shift, and Lord, i am willing to lift my life up to You once again. Help me correct my wrong thinkings...and help me do the right things. For the wrong things i do, i do not want to do. it's the evil in me tt is doing it. so, Lord, empower me to be an OVERCOMER in your eyes, that i will honour my parents...my family...and not upset them any longer. The devil shall NOT have a foothold on me because my Hope is in You, Lord. You, who is in me, is greater than he who is in the world...Amen!! (:

Mom, dad, i am going to take practical steps for the family. i will! just give me some time, okay?

practical steps:

meet mom for dinner at raffles place
skip dinner with friends and go home early
eat dinner with friends and rush home
inform mom my whereabouts
tell mom when i have any special activities coming up
learn to sweep the floor, mop the hse
dont throw my things all over the place
spend at least sundays and 3 weekdays at home(after work)

going to have a meeting with mom and dad later to update them about my life. i hope the meeting comes to pass though...and tt i will have a chance to talk with them about my mission trip...tell them my feelings about how i want to integrate back into church.

Holy Spirit speak thru me later! It's good my dad actually said he wants to know what i am doing! (: Thank God!

joyyyy